In Amsterdam, by luck, I met Lino Hellings. She advised me to keep my work diary on-line, exposing my work methods rather than protecting them, risking the humiliation involved in failure. So:celebrate error. In my heart I knew this to be a good idea. My brain, horrified, fortunately tells me it will be too boring for anyone to read.
Friday, 29 April 2022
29 04 2022
This from Christian, who is far more together than I am - he'll come on the 3rd to collect the work. I need to do a French intro to it all by then which means pulling myself together. I get by fine, provided I keep taking the tablets; which means I'm happy/dizzy gormless.
Tuesday, 26 April 2022
26 04 2022
On the mend - walking a lot (helps the pain) and not taking the painkillers (though I will if I have to) which is clearing the mind a little. The sun shone all day and life seems pleasant - seeing things to paint, wanting to paint them.
Monday, 25 April 2022
25 04 2022
Still too unwell to work but managed to clear drawings off the studio walls and get rid of unfinished work. This in the hope that one day I will be fit enough to start again. A positive direction, perhaps. V depressed. Tired, in pain. Mercifully election results cheering or Id be hanging about the bus stop to trying find one to throw myself under....
Saturday, 23 April 2022
23 04 2022
Feel as if a switch has been thrown... perhaps I will never paint again.
Wednesday, 20 April 2022
20 04 2022
Met with Christian, bless him; agreed to put up 20 or so Saints in May till July at the Cafe de Fa.
Pain manageable but activity aint, mostly I sleep. Had a go at the unfinished pixs lying around and couldn't focus so gave up. Glad to have forgotten the image of the man thrown into the street by security guards, it means I can address the painting rather than the memory. Or would if I could paint.
Tuesday, 19 April 2022
19 04 2022
Back in bed with monstrous pain, the more galling as I'd hoped to spend today in Perpignan looking at galleries. Useless.
Good dreams though. Was in the old squatted pub opposite Goldsmiths and in the arm of the back bar was Bob Dylan, looking very unwell and singing very badly - but it was he, the gods had descended. His security people had closed the place off, no one in or out and no mobiles. Two young staff weren't quite sure who he was but were entertained by the vibe. As it were.
Pain killers don't really deal with pain but give the wings to fly over it. Thank heavens.
*just opened my mail - jury rejected me at Magrie (which is a local arts event in a village called Magrie) where previously I'd won Best Artist award! New work obs not up to par. Sigh.
Monday, 18 April 2022
18 04 2022
Not dead yet. Pain difficult ; small excuse not to work. Real excuse is tax returns which should have been done while I was ill and now must be done on this beautiful Easter Monday. Sigh
Friday, 15 April 2022
15 04 2022
Still horribly ill but care less due to miracle painkiller Opium. Tests ongoing but at least I get to sleep. Shocked that the scans ordered by docs can't happen until June - waiting lists like the UK.
Delighted by contact with Christian who proposes that I show at the Cafe du Fa for May - which will include the period of the Artistes a Suivre. We're meeting Weds. I will suggest the Saints series - lots of them and small, will fit the bill.
Running out of cafes to exhibit in-
Sunday, 10 April 2022
10 04 2022
Health still crap but simple curiosity is driving me - what will happen? How long can l manage without sleep and in a miasma of pain and painkillers? And - critically - WHY has my body turned against me? And am I actually a dualist?
Left the bed of pain to rendezvous with Will this morning - he has taken 6 pix to grace the walls of his place in Rennes les Bains, where they can be viewed for the moment -
Very pleased to have them out and about. Few things can be as depressing as rooms full of unseen pictures.
Thursday, 7 April 2022
08 04 2022
Been horribly ill but getting better. Something in the rib cage is playing up, dancing about and causing absolute agony - painkillers and cat napping whenever there's a chance, since the pain forbids normal sleep. Seeing doc Monday by which time I expect to be fully recovered.
Hanging Limoux show today - Ceni driving the van, Annette and Gracie helping. Thank god for friends.
Tuesday, 5 April 2022
05 04 2022
Last of the messages, for the moment.
Just been away to Aigues Mortes and other Camargue spots and very refreshing it was too. Flamingos, horses, storks and suchlike. Not a single drawing (not feeling well) but a stack of snaps.
Still not well but not likely to die.
Friday, 1 April 2022
01 04 2022
Will do another, then let them dry and tart them a bit. Then let go....
Looking forward to hanging the Limoux show, the work may be old but I want to stand back and do some assessing.