27 02 2016 Sat

Weekend marathon of life drawing - this is lunchtime, having started yesterday and got many hours still to run. Phil is modelling; hes staying with me and being disabled can't get about anyway, though he must be sufferng more than somewhat.
Painting was going well. Hoping the drawings of Phil will inform them. Its surprising what occurs once you start going; I'd taken some of those disturbing school portraits, the long strip ones - painted out the faces. That really was disturbing. Then saw they were perfect for the judges in the martydom picture.
Very upseting, find Im scaring myself.

24 02 2016 Weds

Savaged by a sheep:) want to do a series of saints, women, damaged by eclisiology - but this is too faux niaf by far. But I really like it. 

Thought so much recently of Kitaj. The day I walked into the studio and that shocking painting of his, Jack my Hedgehog. It came out of nowhere ; one day lalala, next wham.

But I still like mine, sheep or not. Different. Possibly unfinished also. The starter-dream was a church entrance, a doorway, that changed to a library. Thinking of those medieval martyrdom paintings, little and precise; thats the feel Im after. Delight in the victims suffering.

22022016 Monday

Drawing today, Chantal modelling, decent turnout of good friends; overwhelmed nonetheless with despair. God knows why. Spent most of the 2 hours consoling myself with thoughts of suicide.

 Less so after lunch and a rest, thence to starting 2 little paintings from old drawings of Chantal that may make a good subject. Hot bath now, will be better after that.
In the meantime quite like these little drawings from this morning. 

20 02 2016

Still think its finished. Just as well; day cleaning, cooking, doing laundry. Relaxing.

19 02 2016 Friday

Knowing I had the day clear sent me into an irritable and furious flat spin of terror - coffee with the calming Kat helped and by the end of the day I've FINISHED the tumbling girl, which I quite like - its subtle, for me -
and repainted the harlequin one finding  compositional solutions, justabout, which may work.-
and photocopied and framed to my satisfaction the work for the Carcassonne show. Which are in some cases now collages.
So not bad, really.

17 02 2016 Weds

Last few days focused on this which has become fiddly. Dont know what I'm doing. Lots changed since this snap, come to think of it, but no better. Alas.
Guests leave tomorrow. I have to go to the dentist with a lost filling; but should be able to get on soon.
Gone off all the clever drawings on the encyclopeadia - my draughtsmanship just isnt up to it.

12 Feb Friday 2016

Done nothing except grind my teeth and get asthma. Such is life.

BUT did have an idea... been asked to show with Kat, Phillippe Cross, Chantal Thomas and a couple of others and feel disposed so to do on account of the venue is in the pedestrian walkway in Carcassonne. Want to see the new encyclopdeia based drawings in an alien envoiroment. I don't however want to loose the best ones and of course I dont want to show the second rate ones.

Photocopies!! Easy, cheap and nowadays indistinguishable from the originals.Will do a handful of A/P's and see if it works... if so I'II do a tiny edition.

Off to meet with them this morning and having a day out in the hope of clearing my head, lungs and heart.

Back at 5.00 on the bus- in time to greet this weeks guests. Sigh.

09 02 2016 Tuesday

Mega frustrating day.... some days are just like that.

Skype booked with TC which I was looking forward to which turned into a spat and left me cross - refugee issues, me virtuous, him wrong - then I had to take Roland to the garage to see about photographing the new work there.
I'm concerned that the paints I'm using will make it hard - it will - but because the light was bad today and he's only seen them under artifical light, I'm not sure hes got the nature of the problem. Cross.
Thence to feed the hens - late, felt guilty.

Finally hit the studio, knackered, realised with horror that Ive got two days grace before next visitors (Bob gets in tonight, his friends on Friday) The beds are not ready and the house is in chaos.

When I say the beds are not ready, I mean that not only are they not ready but that I have nowhere to sleep.

Went through the last few days'drawings, only a handful are useable. Won't bin them yet in case my sour mood is curdling them.

Now having trouble uploading them, sigh.

Repainted some if the face of Leto and moved it firmly out of the studio so I cant fiddle with it.

Rubbish photos, can't read the texts or make out much of the image. Rien est facile. But there is Lucy, new model, excellent worker; and Vladimir and Nessim (Nessim now a swan, from an ugly duckling, because of love) yeah, charming. 

09 02 2016 Tuesday

Lifted from the RA site, for thinking about later when theres time to think. LOVE no 8!!

"Notes to myself on beginning a painting" by Richard Diebenkorn

1. Attempt what is not certain. Certainty may or may not come later. It may then be a valuable delusion.

2. The pretty, initial position which falls short of completeness is not to be valued – except as a stimulus for further moves.

3. DO search.

4. Use and respond to the initial fresh qualities but consider them absolutely expendable.

5. Don’t “discover” a subject – of any kind.

6. Somehow don’t be bored but if you must, use it in action. Use its destructive potential.

7. Mistakes can’t be erased but they move you from your present position.

8. Keep thinking about Pollyanna.

9. Tolerate chaos.

10. Be careful only in a perverse way.

Drawing has opened up again, will photograph some and put them up soon. 

Fear they may be too charming.

sat 06 06 2016

Worked hard, drawing Nessim and Vladimir... one good, I think. Will look later.
All I've learnt is that ear plugs are vital. I screwed up tissue and used that. Stops you wanting to kill the scratchers, snorters, squeakers etc.
Nice group though, about 7 commited artists. Pleasent esprit de corps. Knackered.

06 Feb Sat 2016

Been too busy on the studio-and-study rebuild to paint but got in a couple of hours last night with Vladimir and Nessim - very pleased with the paper I'm using, an encyclopedia found in the street which is old. Old enough for the paper to be of decent china clay, hot pressed and printed with steel engraving which perforce textures the paper. So walnut ink glides across it and can be manipulated before settling into the available groves; a shellack-based chinese ink floats agreeably on top; watercolour just does what its told. 

Have five hours booked with them today - with the rest of the Arthe group, who were lovely last night, focused and quiet. Hope today will be like that. 

02 02 2016

 FINISHED:)
(Much better than it looks) Leto and Apollo and Artemis and the Peasants


Not Finished

Drawing has picked up at last but only by my return to the tricks I'd taught myself in an attempt to eschew tricks. Slightly shamefaced. Relief to have something good though. Had two little lovelies on Monday and sent them to the Royal Academy postcard show without remembering to photograph them. Pity.

Chaos here. Having a toilet installed in the studio and another in my study; the air is thick with dust and can hardly breathe. Everything disturbed. Toilet installer assures me that everything will be alright and he will really and finally finish tomorrow - a week later than scheduled, if memory serves. By the weekend I will be able to get stuff back in place and clean. Hurrah.

Since I'm booked for a Friday night and all Saturday drawing session - and have friends round on Sunday - this all looks improbable.
A brief while then Bob back and Claer and her Mama arrive.