Friday 30 March 2012

Fri March 30th

Up before dawn and finished another couple, possibly not a good idea. Too many late nights, not enough sleep. My eyes are streaming, pollen perhaps? Or not enough sleep -
One of the finished ones is very simple, two hands with stigmata in the sacred heart pose with the bleeding mass in the middle as a deer - with antlers where one might have the crown of thorns. Wasnt till I was signing it that it dawned; a sacred HART. Can't believe I didn't know that to start with; suppose on some level I did.
Its nearly 10.00 now and I'm going to take the day off. Need to think of a swerve in direction.

Wednesday 28 March 2012

March 28th Weds

put some of the new stuff up on
Still working on it all - rather a pleasing one has just popped out this morning and Im trying to convince myself that it stands as it is and doesn't need fiddling with. The fact that Ive had it in my head for two days and been drawing it out - I mean, drawing it - should suffice the masochist in me.
Been photographing, cropping, putting on line (though haven't yet gone live, want to get more up before I do that) so head and eyes messed with. Will close both and have a kip in the sun before hitting the rest.

Later; put more up on this human clay and gone live. No need to tell anyone though:)

Friday 23 March 2012

march 23rd

10 finished. Getting more and more concerned with framing; really want deep black boxes to set them in. Don't want them out of the locked studio till they are framed. Cant afford to frame them. Hey-la, a touch of sabotage afoot?
Worried that they are not well painted.
Pleased that they are the paintings l want.

Monday 19 March 2012

March 19 Monday

to clean the studio at the end of each work session (so hard if you think you might be able pop back in an hour -).
To blog the new stuff on thishumanclay (hard too, head over the parapet).
To draw without evasion (Not that I do - but to tighten up, to seek and grip the issue whatever it may be.)
--these all that have come from a sleepless night.

Later; life drawing a mess, realise that 10 or 20 min poses are not enough for serious drawing. Still life would serve me better. Then again, the pleasure of working in intense silence with friends is good; and the downside of that is the distractions they cause, moving, dropping things, scratching and this morning, horrors, Pierre came round looking over peoples shoulders while they drew. Hes done this before so I now jam myself in a corner with a table across me and this morning HE STOOD IN FRONT OF ME and looked. I hissed at him, c'est pas juste quand je travaille and he smiled and PATTED MY ARM while I was drawing with it. Knocked it off its course. Hes lucky to live.

Sunday 18 March 2012

18 March Sunday

Last nights friends have just left; I can hit the studio this afternoon. In between times and since the last blog entry have finished 6 little pictures; very uncertain as to quality. Trying very hard not to take myself too seriously. Its only paint, ferchristsake.

Monday 12 March 2012

march 12 2012

Beside myself with frustration...not got to studio for nearly a week and tho I thought this would be manageable since the work need not be as continuously addressed as the big paintings, it isn't. Had assummed I could begin today as nearly all the guests have gone. Left with so much to do! Plus, horror, Bob has invited a builder to come and knock some holes in walls which will cause terrible disruption. It dosent matter and there is no urgency in anything I'm doing yet I don't know how to be calm about it.
Breathe. Eat. Drink.
At drawing this morning was struck by the idea that this module of my apprenticeship is ended. Finally, watercolour is understood. Nearly out of paper, recycled or not, ditto paint. Have chewed up three boxed sets and the additions. Also since I persist in thinking that I understand my direction, the need for this loss of control and engagement with chance is over.
Its been a couple of years trying to shake the comfort of drawing, sure in my abilities, confident in a predictable outcome- and learn something.
Dont want to stop drawing from the life; it is an anchor for me, a genuine opportunity to use my eyes and respond to a circumstance within a prescribed time frame. Perhaps some china coated paper and hard pencils - oh, silver point? - and a concentrated rigour in application.
Sounds grim eh. Just cross because I can't get to work (cooking now, then the ironing and this week I have to do my taxes aaaaaaaaaa)
Breathe. Eat. Drink.

Monday 5 March 2012

Mon March 5th

Finished the first two of the new series yesterday - joy, joy - and did some rubbish drawing this morning. Felt strangely exposed; exposed, as in available for occupation. Did little fine drawings that were not mine, like late Degas (but worse) Daumier also. And possibly others, I forget, very aware at the time, perfectly comfortable just a bit mad.
With the end of desire, an empty space forms.

Thursday 1 March 2012

March 1st Thursday 2012

Hardly any time to paint though some early hours due to bizarre sleep patterns - 2 hours sleep, 2 hours awake, through the night. Not a problem, just weird. Now in that old arena worrying about how much finish these things need. Can they be elegantly slapdash or do I have to do polish? Take it one by one and see....
Got a prospective title for the series; Mythiques Anomalies.
Changing beds tonight, leaving studio house. Propose a decent meal and an early night and with luck a couple of hours before tomorrow's visit to Limoux to buy new canvases. Maybe some afternoon time before the 8.00pm guest arrives.