Beside myself with frustration...not got to studio for nearly a week and tho I thought this would be manageable since the work need not be as continuously addressed as the big paintings, it isn't. Had assummed I could begin today as nearly all the guests have gone. Left with so much to do! Plus, horror, Bob has invited a builder to come and knock some holes in walls which will cause terrible disruption. It dosent matter and there is no urgency in anything I'm doing yet I don't know how to be calm about it.
Breathe. Eat. Drink.
At drawing this morning was struck by the idea that this module of my apprenticeship is ended. Finally, watercolour is understood. Nearly out of paper, recycled or not, ditto paint. Have chewed up three boxed sets and the additions. Also since I persist in thinking that I understand my direction, the need for this loss of control and engagement with chance is over.
Its been a couple of years trying to shake the comfort of drawing, sure in my abilities, confident in a predictable outcome- and learn something.
Dont want to stop drawing from the life; it is an anchor for me, a genuine opportunity to use my eyes and respond to a circumstance within a prescribed time frame. Perhaps some china coated paper and hard pencils - oh, silver point? - and a concentrated rigour in application.
Sounds grim eh. Just cross because I can't get to work (cooking now, then the ironing and this week I have to do my taxes aaaaaaaaaa)
Breathe. Eat. Drink.
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