Wednesday 24 July 2013

July 24th, Weds

Not as ill but not well. Profoundly depressed. Wondering if this whole asthma thing is a response to an exhibition I don't feel ready for.
-but done the invitations, they are ready to be sent out; early to catch the cheap postage rate.
Doing the notes for the paintings which the gallery want done, hence the depression no doubt. They look so simple, so always just sitting there. WHY did I have to do them, work so obsessively on them? No-one is interested. Its actually not interesting. Not the product, not the process.

Hey ho. Walked this morning, first exercise for ages, wasn't bad. Think I'II do some more. Dizzy and tired but breathing OK.

Saturday 20 July 2013

July 20th Sat 2013

--Not dead! Just feels like it. Asthma (=pollen allergy) has reared its ugly head in my life, hotly pursued by the side-effects of steroids. No work done at all. Just concentrating on trying to recover what I remember of myself. Its like being possessed  by something/one else. Gradually recovering, can eat again after loosing 5 kilos. Have learned to breathe again. Have accepted the lack of energy and embrace sleep as often as possible. 
Gutted to discover that two of my brothers are full-on asthmatic and have had to deal with this regime all their lives. No idea what they were going through. Sooooo sad for them. Emotional  and tearful anyway.