25 06 2025

 Not doing a thing - too hot. Hoping I'm working silently and subconsciously on whatever happens next; who knows?

12 06 2025

 Went into the mountains with Kat and Margaret and needless to say, did practically no work - but I did some Chinese ink drawing which seemed right for the sheer craggy mountains. Wrong paper. Too absorbent. Good fun though results useless.

06 06 2025

 Couple of hours painting yesterday, or more correctly, removing previous painting. I suppose this is how it works, can't remember. 

30 05 2025

 One of my drugs in particular - prescribed, of course - if  doubled up, makes a massive difference. I know this now because I took the bus to Carcassonne yesterday, walked about, came back and was fine. Slow but fine. It was Ascension Thursday, a bank holiday and the place was deserted. The few places open soon closed down. No traffic, no pollution, so hardly a test.

Today got taken in a car to the local lake. Prepared for the event by doubling the dose. Temps 32 degrees and I walked carrying lunch, a back pack and a carrier bag. Don't know how to measure the distance but it felt like miles- and I did it. Coming back, alas, another story. I'd further walked to the fishing lake to get some daphnia and that plus the return trip nearly killed me.  

Yet still I linger :)

Hardly a work diary nowadays, though all this feels like work. Book still selling. Want to draw trees by the lake.

23 05 2025

 Went from a keep fit class of great if gentle horridness, to a party - where, despite increased drugs, had some sort of asthma event and had to leave. Training programme not going too well.

22 05 2025

 In view of failing lungs, have been experimenting with increasing my drugs so that I can function effectively.

On Tuesday took the bus on my own to Carcassonne and walked around for 2 hours as a training exercise. Slightly cheating, as the rain kept pollution down and smokers indoors, but managed quite well on only 2 extra Ventolin puffs. 

Plan to do this weekly, upping the town each time. 

18 05 2025

 Weird, the things you find out. I was demonstrating the joys of ai to a non-believer and asked Gemini to do my portrait in the style of Rembrandt. Nothing easier. But the machine couldn't find a photo of me!

Instead it did a lengthy biography from many sources concluding that a still should be taken from a video.

There are photos of me in a file somewhere, hard copies. Apart from fun with ai, can't really see the sense of bothering to scan them - and then realised, people used to photograph me all the time until I turned old. Pity. The old is far more interesting.

17 05 2025

 Memory: l was a disconsolate child, crying for some reason, in a restaurant of some sort. On a journey with the parents, probably to the coast to visit family.  A waitress crouched beside me and showed me how to make a chalice out of silver paper - 

making things has been my go-to ever since.

13 05 2025

 Painting dreadful indeed; been channelling my inner Chagall after reading Sufi stories. l have no genuine ownership of them and it shows. 

Fretting over this and other issues, wandered around town and in the street library found Chagalls autobiography! in French of course with poorly reproduced black line drawings. Marvellous.

08 05 2025

 Second day of painting and very odd it is too. Had to clean up first and have no memories of the woman who left all this debris; don't recognise (hardly) anything. The only canvas around that was the right size had a crap painting on it so I primed, sized and generally disposed of it. Most liberating.

Painting is dreadful but it'll change. 

01 05 2025

Hommage a Kitaj #6, a reference to the few weeks recently when my nose was like a tap. Just wouldn't stop. Scared to go out. Then I read that temperature changes could do it and the trick is to vaseline your nose against the shock of change and so I did, shiny greasy nose instead of a bloody one. Worked.  

Drawings judged acceptable for the math book, now have to wait for the authors to write more text to complete. Since they are both full-time academics I don't have to hold my breath.

 

21 04 2025

 The drawings were acceptable and so I've been carrying on - whilst plotting other drawings for myself (in the continuing series about old age and entropy.)

Book still selling but not so well.

Started research on next. Fascinating!! There are some authors who think JC was illiterate, can't imagine that that could have been possible... unless they mean, couldn't read or write. He certainly had the scriptures by heart. If he existed, of course.

18 04 2025

 Don't think I've been this lazy since I was a teenager.

Have sent half a dozen drawings to the maths book folk for a response. DO hope they're acceptable, don't want to have to redo.

I guess this is old age. All I want to do is sit around and read. 

10 04 2025

 The Cybernetics Society want the members blogs to post on their site. I looked at this lot and realised, not for the first time, that this is where I come to grumble.

Does that count as feedback? Probably not, in  that nothing is changed...

No work happening, unless you can count cooking. Guests, delightful, been here all week; go tomorrow . New one arrives tonight. 

In the meantime, we are off to a castle in the mountains for lunch. I haven't got time to work (though started the new book - the schema, anyway)

30 03 2025

 drawing hard, lack insight and talent. Got a few that might work, will wait for a few more to arrive and try the authors for approval.

Got a couple of nice reviews for the book! The terror that l've been experiencing, the dread of being challenged, of being ridiculed, corrected, is fading. I really didn't expect to have that. |Is it normal among authors? Though very like exhibiting paintings, opening night horrors, so I dunno. Dread in general. The reviews really comforting.

19 03 2025

 

Friends have been sending photos of the Death book as they get it - I myself have still not seen a copy.

Certain sense of anti-climax now that task is over (but selling surprisingly well-)

Had some feedback on the first drawings for the Math book - have to simplify, I think. 

16 03 2025

 The books out!! Blood sweat and algorithms. I put it up on face book where its selling surprisingly well - no idea who the market may be - 

Don't know how to post it here but if you go to Amazon books and ask for Death: a Work in Progress by Vanilla Beer, it will emerge from the digital swarm.

09032025

 It's done, it's done, it should be on line next week - amazed, astonished, that its been written. Been binning my notes and roughs and all that stuff and I've no idea how I did it - none - day in and day out - how??? Everything about it amazes me. I know I'm an obsessive and I remember feeling like this at the end of a difficult painting series but now I'm toying with the idea of possession.

Still, onwards... had the prepare the studio for drawing tomorrow.

nearly clear. Lots of ideas of what to do but not sure they'll work.

Here we go again....

27 02 2025

 Feb nearly gone and book still not available. Its being re-formatted, I believe. 

I've been invited to do the drawings for a maths book! Nice job. With a beginning and an end, oh la. 

19 02 2025

 Its finished done, all over, allelujia....

Gracie stepped in to help when I got baffled by Amazons easy self-publishing process. She and a friend are currently reformatting (?) I am planning a celebratory holiday, which I feel is deserved.

14 02 2025

 Editing is a joyless task.

Two chapters to go; then on to correct digitally. By which time no doubt some rewrites will be in order.

08 02 2025

 Grinding on... well over word count now, which means I can do some serious pruning of the padding. Dunno when. Today is Bobs birthday, there is a party here - next week is occupied but not radically so. 

I keep telling myself that theres only so much you can say about death, then another book/idea/webpage turns up - 

26 01 2025

 Real proper editing in earnest. I had thought  was careful and punctilious; actually, I look slapdash. Got a week before Bob gets home and expect to be done by then.

It does feel like the tip of the iceberg. I could carry on longer. But people are dying and want to know what'll happen to them...

21 01 2025

 Editing getting easier, quite like what I've written. numbers up and down, as I cut and recall other stuff. Thinking of doing an extra chapter on immortality but too depressing - really, who want to live forever?

19 01 2025

 Much editing - damn thing turning into a pamphlet. I know size isn't everything but if it seems slight, erm... a mighty tome has more weight. OK enough banter and of course all the most useful and influential books are short... but having to hack out hard-won info grates on me. Just because its only peripherally interesting.

Probably time to do some housework and take a rest. Maybe print the thing out, if I can get some more ink.

17 01 2025

 Nearly, nearly done...

14 01 2025

 -so I gallop on, nearly 60,000; made rather smug concluding remarks which will have to go. Lots has to go, really. I fluctuate between marking a thesis - in which case, rewrite - and thinking of readers who'll find it helpful. In which case, rewrite without quite the level of chat.

Bit late to muck about v. may as well get it right.

09 01 2025

 Over 50,000 and padding out some ideas - still scared of braving the Maturana/ de Chardin marriage I mean to conclude with (unless something changes, again)

Such good fun. So very much easier than painting.

04 01 2025

 Up to 45 thousand and ready to embrace the difficult biology bit, though not quite; editing and inserts to go. Much more comfortable with it as Jim (Prof R.J. Hankinson) cast his eye over it and apart from suggesting more Descartes and why not Nietzsche? was most helpful.

Mind you, he only saw the index. He will hate the tone.