16 08 2026

 Galloping on! No photos, nothing finished, pleased with myself.

Oh dear.

11 08 2026

 

Taken an age to get this done. The consultant is dictating a letter to my doctor regarding the condition of my heart.

He did this looking straight at me and flickering to the dictating machine, so I have his eyes off in several directions which was the hard bit. He was stone-still except for the eye movements. He always wears a mask. Maybe he has no teeth; a goatee?  Much evasion.

Plus this penile handle which he grasps with both hands. Whole experience weird, especially as the assistant who types it up was supposed to do it first thing the next morning and email to my people, and didn't. 

Pleased though. That's #8 of the rolling death set.

10 08 2026

 Amazingly, back at work. Which actually means fiddling with a drawing. Having walls refreshed in the living room (plaster stripped off, underlying stones pointed) so dust horrendous and I cant breathe it in - so all basic domestic parts of the house out of bounds for me :)

Should have thought of this years ago. But I guess you can only pull it off once. 

9 08 2026

 Set foot in studio, aircon on low, drawing on day bed... well, its something!! Plan to return to work tomorrow having shaken off the tristresse of family loss.

Just had an online interview with Marcus Carney in the course of which the nature and evocation of creativity came up. Dammit, now its over Im thinking more thoughts; none of which matter, of course. What is produced, how, and where it goes- pragmatic thoughts - more useful than the nature- of stuff.

l'esprit d'escalier rollin along

04 08 2026

 Storm has broken the weather, pro tem - more small swifts and house martins dead on pavements, thought the heat was killing them but now its the rain.

More drops of blood on my balcony terrace too.

On the plus side, my brother and his two boys are arriving. Bobs nephew and niece are charming. Next few days will be fun :)

Needless to say, no work done.

01 08 2026

 Made it though July, hurrah - now finding the splendid blind over the big vellux makes the first studio - the one with air con - too dark to paint in. lalala.

So did some drawing over the latest Hommage. Rather worrying as its a portrait of my heart consultant who is veryhmm very apparent. He has long hair worn loose and always wears a mask, anyone who knows him will know him. 

Can't be helped, I guess. Def part of the entropy-and-death ness of it all. Don't suppose he'd care, should he ever see it -

31 07 2026

 Nothing achieved except the awful works-in-progress turned to the wall. BUT adorable Norbert came round and fitted a blind over the velux which will make working a deal easier if I ever get to it.

Got visitors, young and opinionated in the right way. Been touring and will continue for a while.

24 07 2026

 Woke bright and early and cool, praise be - so straight to studio before the day becomes too hot.

-Im trying to draw the next in the Hommage a Kitaj series and so looked for photos of the others so that there should be a level of consistency in format. Couldnt find any on line. Then it dawned on me that the portfolio with them in was next to me in the studio...

will photograph the lot when this ones done. Maybe.

22 07 2026

 What with not sleeping - sweaty heat - and not breathing - dust, smoke, what-have you - nothing is being achieved. A bit of fiction reading in front of a fan, lots of dozing.

And lying in a cool bath, that's such a grace. Otherwise irritable, mecontent, judgemental... on the plus side, a sudden call from the heart surgeon to see him tomorrow evening which I hope will enable the change of meds. necessary for a balanced body. Coupled with a Monday morning RDV with doctor, joy joy, should get sorted.

 

16 07 2026

 Spending time in the studio because its got the aircon unit installed - and cleaning up. Resolved to finish scanning press books, as the basis for a biography of sorts. My brother Steves death has shown that memories are inaccurate and transitory and while this doesn't particularly matter, I don't think, Id rather get stuff down while I can remember it.

12 07 2026

 Down to 30 and a decently chill wind. Walked! Easily if slowly. So it was the heat rather than any other number of possible maladies that have hindered me.

Apropos; my hitherto agreeable dentist has introduced me to the idea that I'm ill.  I knew that of course but only speculatively - a doc tells you something, gives you more pills, hey ho.

Dr B pointed out I have heart disease and lung disease. Had I kind-of taken this on board earlier I would act differently. For instance, my massive hypertension could be redeemed to an extent by meditation. Regular exercise is a real healer. Attention to diet... oh lordy, time to treat myself as a patient and act accordingly.

Studio a mess, plan is to turn current work to walls and clean up. When current work dry, use glazes to get some sense into them.

On the plus side, three of my paintings are on the walls here: one in bedroom, one here in study, one downstairs in living room. I LIKE ALL THREE. 

 

11 07 2026

 Got in a fairly long day yesterday - when I understood everything Ive been working on is rubbish, and my attempts to change this were disastrous. Need to change my success criteria? How do I know if something works, especially as my aim is to overthrow what is known.?

Oh well. Dentist this morning. Can only get better,

06 07 2026

Half baked work... its too hot to do much, which is fine by me. No burning need to continue as yet. Signs and portents ominous (though when are they ever not -)  drops of blood on the balcony this morning and blood smeared on the walls. Yesterday, a drowned mouse in the water butt. 

 

28 06 2026

...still at it, all is possible with aircon though would very much like blinds for the velux - sun beats in. 

Don't like having to keep windows and shutters shut, feel too remote from the world. 

But this will pass and lord help us, there may come a time when we think these days were heaven.

26 06 2026

 ...Aircon good enough and the painting continues, very very bad but l like it. There's a series and when they're finished we'll see. Dream led; maybe that's why they please me so much. 

Trying to find a way to make a blind to cover the skylights and failing - no way can I mount a stair ladder! - will ask for help next week though this extreme heat will be over by then, god willing.

Little deer painting has arrived in Switzerland!! Made it in one piece and the dear darling client likes it. Feel like a real painter.

24 06 2026

 ridiculous heat... and Im not posting any of the work Im doing, too shocking! Kitsch, tacky, jejune -nice I can shock myself. 

21 06 2026

There's a little aircon unit in the studio so painting fairly easy, except it isn't. I seem to be channelling my inner Picabia, from his most uninspiring time. 

There's an exhibition of his work at Ceres which I can get to, via three buses and several hours. Fairly daft thing to do in the current extreme heat so that idea on hold.

Back to the old roller-coaster of delight in getting something right and total despair when it aint. If it weren't so hot I'd give it up and try some housework. 

17 06 2026

 Back from Engerland... not a single exhibition did I get to, family stuff being pervasive. Nice, but no opportunity to get to Ai WeiWei in Manchester which I'd have liked, but no big deal. Nice to see the adorable tribe.

Now Bobs away and in theory I can get on with a painting or two. Managed to get the sold deer and steerer painting off to Marie-Pierre who will take it by train to Switzerland, then post it, bless her. Went to tidy the studio and found mouse droppings everywhere, god knows how they've got in. Have washed what can be washed, hope to feel more able tomorrow. Large numbers of drawings knocking about. A couple may be useful.

08 06 2026

 

Looking for a photo of my sweet brother Steve and found this.... Steve died yesterday after a stint in intensive care. Im off to York to be with my remaining siblings. 

Here he is, the one with glasses is brother Harry - taken at Tom and Marthas wedding -

06 06 2026

 Been too busy to write work diary... chief culprit  being maths book, the illustrations have had to be resized. This meant a. finding them and b. tracking the processes by which they were made in order to adjust them.

Honestly thought I was going mad.

In retrospect, understand that the process of making something is quite another space from real head stuff. (My painting methods are much the same, though physically easier to track I suppose.)

I work on three computers, the drawings were spread over them, in random files some inappropriatly named, on different platforms interupted by printed versions being dealt with by hand and/or sissors and returned to machine drawing. From this temporal distance it looks like chaos. 

On hold now till the publishers send it back. 

Managed to pack the little painting to go to Switzerland, a masterpiece in itself - Mike cut the cardboard box from Erica, Dominique helped the internal packaging, I gaffertaped it to point where I've no idea how it might be opened. Going via Marie Pierre to whom it must be delivered soon... the stuff of art, ha. A friend has just had his first exhibition (lifelong artist, too busy teaching or other work) and was amazed at the practicalities, transport, hanging, publicity and the rest. Paintings don't grow on walls, it seems, hoho.

Went life drawing last night - seem to have relinquished all control, waiting as ever for a new direction. Cant find the landscapes I did sometime, but ditto.

Life drawing slightly weird in that there were a lot of people there, almost all french - and my old mate Jean-Noel, whose brother I exhibited with in London long before moving here, and meeting the family :)

Lovely to see him, older but still kicking. The work that the French produce is sooooo slick!! Anigone eat your heart out. I scampered off before anyone could see what I was doing (they do that thing where they put their drawings on the platform and wait for people to say how good they are.)

Cybernetic stuff, Staffords Feschgrift, to sort and health stuff looming. Stuff, stuff. 

Had to eat from takeaways recently as theres no time to shop and cook and Bob is too ill to do anything. What I can cook, he can't eat.

No doubt boredom will kick back in soon. Sigh.

23 05 2026

 Not being entirely idle. Drawing in the hills (dire), life drawing (awful, scared and rendered unhappy by model) (tattooed and v rude about the English, possibly not realising that they spoke French)(or more likely, did know) 

Heard that the window I've been cleaning the study out for is unlikely to be installed due to illness of builder, who recommends replacing bookshelves and books, sigh. 

Off to draw at the lake today. And life drawing tonight if back in time.

18 05 2026

 https://www.amazon.fr/What-did-Stafford-Vanilla-Beer/dp/B0H1ZSD9B4/ref=sr_1_1?__mk_fr_FR=%C3%85M%C3%85%C5%BD%C3%95%C3%91&crid=3HTJFMSFM2BK&

15 05 2026

 Hurrah and hurray, the Stafford book is off and given to Desktop publishing for their approval!

       What could possibly go wrong?

12 05 2026

 Playing host to three cyberneticians, great fun if chaotic - the filmakers and recorderers of my dads 100 years. Now Bobs family are here, sweet folk who are used to me bunking off - which is what I've done, to get to grips with the last of the maths book. 

Had a life drawing session on Saturday evening which was grim but I came away cheery enough, just nice to wield a pencil. Totally unnoteworthy otherwise. (though Karim was modelling, her first go - she was v good)

Otherwise, domestic stuff interferes as ever. Bank appointment later. Hospital scan tomorrow. Stafford book with designer, goodoh. So all OK really, just no studio work. Given the huge Asian hornet that has moved in there, I'm not too distressed.

02 05 2026

 Woke up realising that the scanning thang has to go on the back boiler... people coming and still preparing for builders. So putting stuff away and forgetting it, pro tem.

26 04 2026

 Led by a dream, I began scanning my press cuttings, contacts and so forth - from my CV file - as a start in assessing my career. I have 4 volumes of this stuff, all grimy achieved by dogged etc etc and now irrelevant. Got up to 1990.

Either I used to photograph well or I was a very pretty girl!! I had no idea. Or perhaps in the culture of the time, I wasn't right - like so much else.

Got two days before Bob gets back, though today is taken. One day then... well, l can finish up between times.

14 04 2026

spot the difference...

cant find the photo of the original, which is sold - these are done from the drawings the first was done from. Also did some book plates of it which didn't really work.

I'm really really tempted to do another few. They're just so cute. And, so far, each had its own challenges, without being terrifically taxing.  Think it was Munch who repeated his paintings - and whyever not.

 

11 04 2026

 ...so, done lots but non art. Moving furniture and books in the study where a window is going to be positioned shorty; and done my back in. Accordingly, started work on taxes; rendered fairly straightforward due to lack of income :) Surprisingly large royalties though. 

08 04 2026

 Think the book illustrations are done - sent off a bundle, have to wait for comments and (hopefully) approval now.

Next trick is taxes. Family go tomorrow, if I can find and adapt last years taxes then I'm free to hit the easel on Monday.

Though I might take a day out somewhere. Would like to test energy after stent fitting but new drug regime something of a hurdle; made it to the riverbank today, exhausted! Guessing it takes time.

Considering that in 5 years and 3 months I will be 80, there's not that much left...

07 04 2026

 Got seven - seven!!- drawings done yesterday, by simply refusing to do anything else. Marvellous. Life goes easily on without my fussing.

Got the dentist this morning but plan a couple more before I must go. Maybe work this afternoon too .

04 04 2026

 Got six drawings off yesterday, despite an excess of chronofarge (new fave word, distress caused by computer bollix) Ronan, excellent local fixer, rebuilt one computer by hard drive and firefox, and we were forced to buy a new printer since the one that broke under guarantee has to go somewhere to be tested. I'm working now, having passed 2 deadlines. 

And guests arrive! Lucky I'm so well. 

28 03 2026

 Back from hospital, alive and actually well. Though battered and bruised... all that will clear up. Rather a sad time, I was in a room alone so no interesting people to talk to. And my nurse, sweetheart in many ways, took the piss out of my accent. Plus as usual (it seems) problems with paperwork and taxis.

Felt the difference immediately, it was like a knot undoing in my chest. though this is probably a fantasy. I do feel very fit - though washed over with fits of sleepiness. 

Wrote a review of Hughs book which needs deciphering from my notebook and typing up... pleased to have accomplished something. 

21 03 2026

Another in the Hommage a Kitaj series, charting the decline and fall... back to the hospital on Weds., not looking forward to it. But I'm assured by well-meaning friends that the acute burning wont be so intense since the abscess on the sinus has gone.

 

Finished the Irene singing a Healing Song to a Flamingo so if I survive there's only the Ascent of the Blessed to come back too. Got another months' extension on the maths book!! Which l really must get on with ASAP -

Curious that the hands in both pictures are in the same position, nearly

16 03 2026

 Still lingering. Did the hospital - working on a pic of that - mouth/tooth infection so they couldn't fit the stents. Battered and bruised. Not happy in general. But today managed to waylay my dentist and get an appointment for Thursday so maybe this can get sorted. 

Matts gone and I'm bereft. 

Should start on book, deadline looming, but want to finish a couple of pix and focusing is hard, I'm tiered. One artery has 50%effacity, another has lost 75%. That explains the constant knackerness then.

Off for a kip...

05 03 2026

 Trolling on... its not being ill - though it is- or having interventions that takes time, its the farfallue around it. Spend a deal of yesterday trying and failing to get my bon pour transport paperwork so I can be taken to the hospital on Wednesday and no doubt will loose a deal of time over the same issue today. 

And the rest.  My dossier is vast, in French and needs all sorts of responses. And shaving, for gods sake. Will have to sit and draft a timetable today.

Bob off to the UK on Tuesday where he's seeing many of his specialists and we discover our future. Neither of us wants to return to the UK but its not impossible that he'll have to.

On the plus side, my lovely brother Matt is arriving on Monday to look after me!!!

The deadline for the math book drawings is three weeks away so hoping all this will go easily. It will, of course... and maybe I can sneak in a few hours and finish Irene Singing.

28 02 2026

 Carrying on carrying on though this'll have to have some serious attention soon.

Been knocked rather more than slightly by the surprising news that I need stents around my heart. The silence of the surgeon I had misinterpreted - but clearly there's no urgency since the issues were photographed in December. Awaiting dates now.

It's all very normal, it seems. Seems deeply unnormal to me, but hey -

26 02 2026

 

Quite like the direction that Irene and Flamingo is going though the Ascension is still a mess... in the meantime the maths book has been addressed by co-authors and I must find my original drawings (?Where did I store them) and adapt where necessary. Will leave till the beginning of March. We're overnighting in Collioure for 2/3rd and the plan is to come back knowing what I'm doing, hahahha

22 02 2026

 Despite lack of documentation, pressing happily on.... ascent of the blessed, Irene singing healing song to a flamingo, a small lamb. Liking painting.

Also finished little book, 50 sayings and sources from Stafford. 

Energy seems rather good despite a. hip b. shoulder c. ankles. 

10 02 2026

nearly done - got most of today clear so baring more surprises* should be done. Want to move on. 

* Bob ill, Zoe turned up -
 

09 02 2026

nearly done...

 

05 02 2026

 

Moved on a lot since I took this snap... enjoying this, put in lions for Bill.

03 02 2026

 Started another pic and flummoxed already. Notable fear of finishing something assuaged by having something interesting to move onto to but spending studio time staring at inept sketches... still, Bob back today so unlikely to be doing anything for a while.

29 01 2026

 Galloping on with the Eden picture. Enjoying it far too much. Introduced the walking lions in memory of Bill Norris, seems right for an eden vision (however confused)

26 01 2026

 The other copy finished. Just realised, Id painted in the incoming storm in a prophetic fit, thinking of global stuff, when at lunch yesterday saw a rainstorm racing up a valley. Amazing sight, blotting out the landscape, changing the light -

Started on this. In trying to recall the painting on the wall in my fathers study in Dore Road, found I had some ideas of my own...

23 01 2026

 Here's a done one...

22 01 2026

 Finished one, pleased... woke up raring for the next to find Bob seriously incapacitated. Might get a few hours in later.

19 01 2026

 Poddling on. Sundry interruptions but mostly plain sailing. Rediscovered the iridescent paints, so changes in the copying but an improvement IMHO.

17 01 2026

 

Enjoying this copying so much!! Might start more - or find other paintings not done with - to copy

and in the meantime, for a variety of reasons, was painting the expulsion from Eden. Doing a snake. And this weird shadow arrived on the  ceiling!

Its only the shadow of a light bulb but hey -

14 01 2026

 - I seem to be back working. 

The drawings for Maths book have to wait for lead author to recover from eye op before I find out next stage.  (=more, less, appropriate?)

The three pictures in process are trucking on...

12 01 2026

 Def cheering up. Got the Stafford thing finished and OK'd by 2 brothers, which is enough; got 10 drawings done for the maths book; started on a painting or two which are delighting me.

The painting is a pic that is sold but a friend who wanted it has agreed that a copy, along the same lines, is acceptable. It was a picture I wasn't quite ready to part with so want a copy for me and a copy for friend. No doubt problems loom but for the moment quite happy :)

04 01 2026

 Only 1,000 words to go- been writing a chapter for Staffords festschrift which is both impossibly hard and occasionally a surprising pleasure. Many anxieties. 

First that springs to mind is that l am not a writer. The piece is clunky and chichi and will have to have lots of attention before it goes out. Second is that combing my memories is distressing.

And my planned book is receding; further research, extensive and deep (ha!)  reveals that my approach is not that original. Who's it for? Not longer interested.

Embracing failure, wahey! V liberating.