tuesday 18th Nove 2014

This from yesterday...today went to Carcassonne in search of art and the Beaux Art is closed. Though the good news is that they are showing Dufy in Feb.
Nice enough day, if thwarted. Walked through the door at home and saw immediately what was wrong with last picture. Will correct tomorrow. Like pulling a tooth, bloody pictures been on the go for an eon.

17/11/2014 Monday

If it weren't for Mondays, I'd do no work at all.
Ian modelling today, all predictable but I made myself stand and use the declious walnut ink and some were ok. Realised that Im supersitious about drawing; if I dont look at what Im doing the results will be good (oh no I peeked) the last one of the day is always good as my inner critic is exhausted, etc etc. Its nonsense, all, just supersition.
Haven't looked at the reults yet (if I look to soon, they'll all be bad; oh dear me -)

Spent yesterday working with the Artistes a Suivre and what an interesting time that was. Knackering - 9.30 till 7.00pm - and salutory. High level of professional polish, catalogues, web-sites, sound tracks etc. Quality rare. Whimsicality  high.

I feel like a tinderbox waiting a spark. Embarrased that I can't self-ignite but I can't.

14/11/2014 Friday

Doing more painting in my dreams than in life. Last night asleep, decided to do a collage of paintings of favorite artists without reference to the originals (or reproductions -) Started with Rousseaus Tiger - with hysterical results. At the same time I was altering an abstract painting of Jonathons that he was doing in my studio, surruptisiously (?no spell check installed) and in a deal of fear in case he caught me or recognised what I was doing. Hmm. Concerns about plagerism abounding? Liked the Tiger though. Some art nouveau bits looking like tattoos were less successful - thats what woke me. Affronting my own good taste, sigh.

 The night before I dreampt a series of delicate drawings of Bob, showing the MS damage. They were rather good - one ear out, one eye out, half a brain missing in bits and then - a new thing - a hand that was amputated and replaced with a gold one, very lovely.

He continues to be depressed but mercifully is only writing every couple of days. Refuses to consider a return to the drug regime that made his life bearable.

Continuing to make the studio workable and today plan an edit of drawings. Hundreds lying around and I must start to take next years expo seriously.

21/11/2014

 

Don't think that this is as weird as the photo, the eye under the helmet isnt as pronounced as it looks here. Anyway, its finished. Quite like the comidic overtones, makes me smile.

 Today I'd planned to clean the studio and crack on but went to Quillan this morning and now am waiting for the chimney sweep. All this free time is shrivelling to a fortnight if Im lucky. Lala.

10/11/2014 monday

Bunked off drawing this morning to shop for Chez Francois... shopping successful, got all we needed for not-too-much-money, hurrah. Then spent afternoon actually painting. Had sneaked into an expo at the MJC in the morning before the shopping trip - it was an expo from a nearby military museum of stuff from the 1914-18 european war. Was hugely drawn to a helmet with an eagle on top. Thought about it while shopping and when I was free went back with a drawing book. Many schoolchildren there and needed to kneel in front of the helmet to get the angle of it as it would sit on the head of a man, all difficult. But understood it was for the head of one of the Leaping Men. Perfectly enigmatic; a dead jewish painter leaping with a man (unknown) wearing the helmet of the ceremonial guard of the Kaiser. Visually perfect too.
First application of paint for - ??? Months - and not easy. Fear, hesitancy, inability to remember my physical skills.
Results not good.
Tomorrow they will be. I want this done for armistice day. 
Strange to be back in harness.
Knowing what to do, if not how to do it, is great.
Health very iffy. Blood pressure down to merely hypertension - Im so good and nothing seems to change levels despite pills and careful diet and no booze - so tonight had - gasp - a glass of wine with dinner. Now going to have another.First since 16th Oct - not even a month. Makes no difference and annoyingly have lost no weight at all, how is that?

sunday 9th Nov 2014

Best laid plans... decided to finish the outstanding household stuff so that I can paint with a clear horizon, as it were. Prosaically, this has amounted to doing the ironing, part-painting a beam in the bathroom, lots of cooking and washing up and an acknowlegement - yeah - that the studio is terrifying me.
Can't draw tomorrow as shopping for materials for Chez Francois.
Short of breath, tierd, dizzy. Ho hum.

04 XI 2014

Took my walnut ink to drawing yesterday, it performed well - slightly viscous, will hold a mark, retaining its transparency. Made by many boilings, some old nails included, crushed the carapaces, filtered through funnels, coffee filter, finally paper coffee filter. Much better quality than the previous ink which was made of the green carapaces in spring.

 Bob still ever-present, plus now his (obliging) brother . Studio a forgotten land.
 Getting very short tempered and trying to remember that after sunday I have two weeks alone.
                 -If the blood pressure dosen't get me first.