16 03 2023

toshed it over with some glazes before turning to wall - now inertia and tristesse inhabit me. Still, friend coming to stay the week so probaly dosnt matter.

15 03 2023

Spent studio time (not a lot of it) just looking at the divorce painting and hating it. When it began it was luninous with good sense and insight and now it just seems daft. Overpainting in parts and it just gets worse. Will turn to wall, clean up, try to forget it and whatever the hell I think Im doing.

10 03 2023

 I am soooooooo done with this, finished or not. 

08 03 2023

Like pulling a tooth - can't get the damn thing to do what I want. Nightmares freaky, this childhood stuff is v disturbing. Don't want my painting to be therapy.

 

04 03 2023

Little by little ---- 

I wanted the parent-figures to be possibly male or female (either/or/and) which is hard to maintain - the brush keeps trying to more-bouffant the hair, to lipper and earing or to stubble and muscle. Strangely embedded predisposition. 

The little ones I wanted to look as if they were enamelled, to firmly separate them out into another world. And an inhuman one, as children are. I want them more casually vicious. Ibid. 

The mark making in the two worlds is quite separate too, sweeping and loose marks for the adults, tight and tiny ones for the rest. Thinking of what might be seen from the window and why...

 

28 02 2023

 As is the way with half-formed painting, a can of worms has opened - so took today off and went to Quillan to check out the little gallery I'm due in in June. It was closed due to the energy crisis. But it was possible to get in the back way and talk to someone. Wanted a date for the vernissage, which I'II have to wait on as no-one knows when is possible. Measured the space. It is clear that my original grandiose ideas will have to go - there isn't room.

Disappointed. This will probably be my last show and there were pictures I wanted to see out of the studio and together. Can't imagine how that might happen now, sigh.

26 02 2023

Thinking of the bits between marriage and divorce and thought of family meals... rather perturbed that this is emerging.

The divorce painting need another few coats and must dry, so on hold.