30 march sunday 2014

- been ill all week, wretched bug. Not that bad except for the first 24 hours where death seemed imminent. Now debilitated. Got up yesterday to go drawing; the team had planned a weekends pose, Friday evening, all Sat and Monday morning. Got to the space in the Centre Alibert in good time and felt fine as soon as I arrived but with an hour had to go. Pointless anyway. Model couldn't hold the pose for longer than 15 mins and didnt want to be there. I'd have been better off with a still life but simply went back to bed.

Having a deal of trouble with the Alet Casino expo. The works ready and I know where its all going, Ryan and Alecia are taking and hanging it with me so the hard bits are done. I can't get the invitations printed nor the posters.

Too wearisome to go into but its driven me into a black pit which is absurd. Yolandas notion of  'artistic sabotage' returns.

Again, ill before a show.

On the plus side, I liked the first drawing I did yesterday. Realised that my stated intent of destroying my facility has been a success. My pencil has become an independent commentator on my response to the model - like automatic drawing -  it kicks in as soon as I start, unselfconciously. Extremely pleased and feel that maybe now I have a direction to work in with this new power.  At the least I will spend more time drawing, perhaps exclude painting for the while.