29th May, Friday 2015

Overwhelmed with ennui which has nothing to do with the above, just mega energy loss and general inertia. Making marmalade and watching afternoon TV all Im good for. And eating buscuits.No point in pushing this.

Sunday 24th May 2015

Only brush with paint has been on a wall:)
Have cleaned out a quater of the second studio - soooooooooo depressing, where do I put all these bits of paper that I will never look at again? - and installed a single bed.
So, when the summer becomes too crowded I can move in and lock the door. If I ever start painting again, that is. I might not.

Tuesday 19th May 2015

- two days since closing and Im still knackered. Must be that lacunae between ideas... my mind is dead, my body feeble, my spirit absent. Plan to spend the rest of today dozing. As plans go, I've known worse.

Sunday 17th May 2015

In a daze, Im so tired. An 8 hr day where there is no respite from punters or the proximity of punters is exhausting. Its all paying off though - Ive sold 15 paintings now, none big of course but all for proper money with the occasional reduction for mates.
Think I'II have to close at some point today and catch some sleep. Though its sunday and the market is on so its all going to be busy...  Hey ho. Only today to go.

16th May, Sat

Been in the garage since the vernisage weds night - where I sold 5 pix - all day Thurs, sold 4, yesterday sold 1 - so a total of 10 so far, sat and sun still to run. Hideously hard to be casual and get sales.... even harder to look at work that is randomly sorted from 40 year-old stock, theres so much stuff and it all mattered to me.
Nothing makes much sense.
I'II be happy to get through the weekend and lock the doors for a couple of days solitude before Bob gets back and life resumes its shape.

3rd May Sunday

Yesterday went to Ediths to complete my bust of Simon and found it totally destroyed. It was difficult to see how the damage could have happened without it being beaten with a stick - extraordinary! Edith said no-one has touched it and we concluded that in some strange way its own weight had imploded, rolled and massacred it.
----Guessing that a demon disapproved.
Quite a shock. I went and sat on a bench by a field under some trees and thought about it.
I'd been totally engrossed in the making of it, possessed by it, to the extent that I was thinking of making a  change of direction and doing more in a similar spirit.
Im so relieved I'd finished the painting of Simon or I'd be questioning our relationship :)

Now its clear to me that although pottery is excellent therapy, it aint my metier. Au contraire.

Been hanging the garage - I like it there - and now about to clean up the second studio for the photographer who is here at 10.00 am tomorrow. Claudinne here, Bob here, people for dinner but energy good.

May 1st Sat 2015

Finished, though the weird eyebrow may drive me mad enough to change it - but he did that eyebrow thing, like our father did. It was part of the vocabulary.
Pleased with the text which is Catullus, number C1 -

quandoquidem fortuna mihi tete abstulit ipsum,

heu miser indigne frater adempte mihi. 

-because Fortune has robbed me of yourself, alas
Poor brother, unfairly taken from me.

He died on June 1st, his anniversary a month away.

Enough! I wept a lot through the painting of it which I suppose is cathartic but don't feel any better about the death. However, done it.
The rest of today spent hanging the expo for the 'Off'. Put out a facebook invitation to all and sundry, now fear that it clashes with the Florilege which is very unfortunate - looks like a challence which it surely aint.