wretched night, barely any sleep - less shaky after eating, then able to rather enjoy the dissociative state. The evil dream got explored, got even scarier, got through; an image arrived, done some drawings, may or may not be useful. The dissociative state made it easier to read the sunset thief painting which now carries authority -!- as I understand I have happened across another archetype-ish notion, that of the union of fire and water, (red lion/white eagle) unity of two beings into one, arrow and etc. Chief message learnt from the Crowley pack is that this is arrived at towards the end of the process of transformation and that the real learning begins later (VITRIOL, where the R backwards etc)
So a sense of movement and change. The point of all this is that the psyche has to move to centre stage and believe its self capable of creation and of receiving messages/signs. First sign of success in my experience is loss of humour as humour always undermines authority, even ones own. (The surrealists managed this somehow, allowing their sensitivity a shared role - that must have protected the individual.) Second sign is an inability to perform usual tasks as attention is elsewhere; conversation is hard, routine is disrupted. Fear and anxiety loom here as the real world carries on without you. Thirdly, the signs emerge (perhaps, can be acknowledged) and use can be made of them.
At the end arrives some sort of art work. Pointless, difficult, hurting process.
***
Later: cheered up. Finished sunthief painting which became quite easy once I knew what it was. May need more work as finished under artificial light and it may not come off - plus some areas a little muddy. The work done though, rest is fiddling.
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