Spent most of yesterday painting out beginnings. I'm vacuous...
Phil gone today so my studio time will be restricted as Bob will need more help. I'm re-learning to paint by artificial light though so will be working more of an evening.
Barely working, of course - engaged in finding a home for Ian and caring for Bob. No matter as fiddling all that's needed at the moment and I think one is finished and another just needs attention. Want to walk now, back seizing up...
Almost getting enough time to paint - but not enough to concentrate. Religious symbolism is slipping in, unbidden, and I want to see it through before I overpaint. Waste of time? No matter-
Took pictures of the latest and dislike them so much had to erase. Will press on though, there is something to offer - just have to get through the way the bloody things look.
Day spent in idle pleasures and very pleasant too. This evening painted out another couple and restarted under artificial light, which is fine - one of them about a boy is most interesting to me. Eldest sister to five brothers, I know a lot about boys (it turns out).
I'm getting time but in strange starts with unpredictable interruptions.
Been fretting, though the figures-in-a-landscape (x 4) are really rather appealing. Appealing to what, to whom, why?? I just quite like them.
Thank god this year is nearly done with !
painted out the last stuff, the artist and her model - cartoons, they seemed this morning. Labouring the feminist. Have returned to figures in a landscape - a pleasure to paint.
Canvases arrived. They claimed to be top quality but weren't, as I must have known from the price. So been gessoing and adjusting stretchers, they'll be OK but annoyed with myself for being a prat. Also smaller than I thought. I knew the size but, lordy, my relationship with numbers is dreadful.
Now got 5 small canvases prepared and 10 50 x50 - and Bob returning on the 4th. Robin arriving on the 3rd.
Ah well, life is long. I'II have time to sort a new motif.
Flattened by a tummy bug which is quite reassuring (now the worst is over) as I couldn't think why I felt so bad. Tired and achy. Followed by vomit, shits and temperature. Now just tired and able to rest. How lovely - all that worries are the parrots, who got put to bed by 7.00pm last night and have had little company all day. So; no work done. Though did some preliminary stuff on 5 little canvases yesterday, still waiting for the new canvases to arrive - dec 2cnd latest date.
Dawdling over everything, come to think of it. Living alone and at a time of isolation means fluctuating between panic and acute non-urgency, it seems. Great zoom last night with cybersoc, its clear they are not holding their breath for my arts commentary - enough on their hands- so can relax on that front.
Bob made it to blighty, safely, late, so can relax. Finishing up some stuff because, lordy, haven't got any other canvas. How stupid is that - not to stock up before a confinement. And I've overpainted all that I want to overpaint; but can probably find more.
Pretty busy here trying to get Bobs journey sorted and everything in place for his absence. Found time to savage the refugee painting of a few weeks ago - starting to restructure - and planning to junk the second self portrait. Enough already.
Pressing on, between elation and despair, as these things go. Realised that the sense of familiarity was nothing to do with the fact theses are self portraits, but that they are like the work of AOS, Austin Spare, and artist that interested me a decade ago - until I read his written works and looked at more illustrations. I dunno; of course all artists have to be self-indulgent or nothing would get made but there's a fine line. Not too fine, in his case. Maybe not in mine either.
Actually started a new painting yesterday. Time for some self-portraits.
But what with Bob being (literally) laid up, there isn't a lot of time. Have made a start and have a functioning art-head.
After huge deliberation, got out two blank canvases. Looking at them.
Running about between times looking after poor Bob. And dealing with the astonishingly awkward editors for my paper (=copyright issues that are manifestly ok, parts of the text that are self-evident), worrying about new paper for zoom lecture, and more pleasantly, playing chess on line. Surprising how much head-space a series of moves can take.
Got to get Bob out for exercise now.
Still nursemaiding... did I mention that Bob is hors d'combat? Back totally gone and he's out of it on painkillers. Mercifully have got an app for him on Weds with his osteo, miraculously in the covid crisis. Might make some studio time today if I'm cunning.
Absolutely nothing to justify my job description. Looking at inept pix and reading... oh the GSB piece for LoF finally edited and oven-ready thanks to the publishing team. I have no software to edit or even read - mercifully the team have dealt with it. Talking about using my drawings on the cover, though this may have been a devise to encourage me to edit the damn thing. Serve me right for biting off more than I can chew.
On which subject, tomorrow I start the preparations for a zoom lecture on arts and cybernetics. OMG.
Got sent a certificate yesterday night, granting me the right to have FCybs after my name! I'm now a fellow of the cybernetics society. This morning a zoom with another cybernetic group wanting some artwork; plus a letter wanting an edit of a paper I've written elsewhere. All this stuff takes time and is only a hobby... but lockdown is here again, always a good chance to work.
Vey wordy head. Not a good way to work though forcing such a deaf ear on myself that it might be OK.
Talk about fallow :) Yesterday was doctors for Bob, shopping, cooking; today is moving more furniture. Fiddled with a painting yesterday and see no way forward. Decided I so dislike the last that I will overpaint.
Ces died yesterday, alone, of Covid; my vision only a week out of sync. I make no claims for it though.
Either fiddling, getting depressed or doing something else. Yesterday was devoted to moving furniture in chez Francois where Robin is moving in mid-november. Today I shall be painting some walls there. Green, since you ask.
Trying to suppress all arts notions and doing rather well.
Looking around the studio, struck by the comfortable petit bourgeoisness of the current output. Well tasteful. Most depressing.
However, upheaval looms; furniture moving tomorrow and the day after plus a handful of commitments which will take me out of harms way and into another mode. Probably of rage at not being able to continue series. Sigh.
Fiddling; refinished tree, refinished first refugee, hating the ones I'm working on. Can't settle. Fortunately many interruptions.
Psychic experience, below, as inaccurate as most! Auntie Ces still doing well. Mother deluded, as ever - still convinced it was her.
Managed some work on the miserable itinerary of refuges that I'm on -
-troubled by Big Thoughts.
Don't know where else to write this but want to write it.
Last night at 9.50 pm my mother 'appeared'; that is to say, she was suddenly and very clearly there. No sight of her, no smell or sound but there she was, herself and indisputably real, physical. This has not happened with her before. She wasn't addressing me though she wanted me to hear what she was doing, to whit, talking to my great aunt, who was confused. She, my aunt, has died.
Given that my aunt was 100 and in hospital with Covid this is a fair bet but waiting to hear.
Funny old business, art... wrestling with pedantic tree pic and two other little pix appeared, dealing with the deaths of refugees. Been making lists of the washed up detritus of the lives of the dead. Not much fun but the challenge of the things help.
Decent afternoons work on the little canvases. Its a bit like pulling a tooth but I'm letting it shape its own pace. Its about death and aspriation; what else? Sigh.
Murphy has died, far sooner than was expected but by great good grace, according to his wife. Dear man. So yesterday lost - initially on a very good lunch and then, after the news reached me, in tears. How would it please him to have me mourn?
Had taken an internal vow not to continue work until the second studio was cleaned and the storage organised.
Oh la. Started - slowly and without enthusiasm - a series of little paintings around the tree en route to Pomas. Got caught up. This morning I like the results (intended to be a long thin piece). I do so like to paint.
Thrown into a total panic yesterday by the news that nephew Pads has covid-19 and is locked into his room at Glasgow University. Can't even open the window due to suicide locks. He was here just before lockdown and I really like him, so spent the morning making a package of fattening and tooth-rotting foods with little other things, a bottle opener made of a root from the vine, a scarf, that sort of thing. A chocolate croissant.
Obviously he is being monitored and cared for and as I was beginning to relax the news arrived about niece Anna, who got struck at her university in Liverpool. Aggg more panic - I really LIKE these people! But they are young and fit. She got a card and earrings.
So a nothing day, queuing at post office (where I got hit by cigarette smoke, terrible) and forced to take extra breath stuff which caused frightening heart reaction.
Been doing some drawings though. Trying to shape up ideas. In no hurry.
After boozy lunch yesterday I invited John and Clare Rushton to see the new paintings - been thinking about them and seeing them together, finished, decided they were OK. Hence invitation. Not a good idea... they were clearly uncertain, 'is it finished?', that sort of response. Makes no difference, I could see what they thought and that was fine, my sense of completion wasn't disturbed.
Thinking of chalices now. Historical use. etc.
But plan to do more website stuff and clean second studio - and prime 8 small canvases bought in an absent fit from GiFi on Sat - saints encore? Had to move a bunch of paintings in the garage this morning as Bobs car is ill and must stay there, along with Tristrams - stacked uncertainly in corner. Its clear to me that garage is returning to non-art use which means getting someone to help me take the work upstairs and stash it safely in the granary space. In the meantime the new work had better stay over by the studio to dry. Bummer, always a pleasure to get shot of it.
Got one clean studio! Looks bigger and lighter. Weird, that.
Got one other unclean however, as I piled everything from the first space into it. Will have a go at that next week. Happily thinking; culture, roots of, relevance of art. Or not.
shaping up - peacock rationalized, glazes begun. But today; off to the sea-side! Will take drawing book.ENTIRE day yesterday spent on line, trying to sort site. Big thanks to Dave, who is the nuts and bolts man and is despairing of me. I don't know simple computer terms, initials always fog me, passwords? Quoi? So a disaster.
...All began when I found that Jim, local magic man, had somewhat lost the plot. No longer has a computer let alone remembering anything pertaining to my site, which he built and maintained for several years. Site disappeared. Jim knows nothing. LCN.com (who they?) have taken money from my bank account for some service pertaining to this site but they don't acknowledge the missing money nor what it is for and... anyway, deep breath, that's where Scottish Dave appeared and offered to help. He has set up a new site with some elements of the old incorporated. We spent time- time!- yesterday trying to perform various allegedly simple tricks which have not yet moved the agenda forward on account of I haven't been able to make anything work.
The plan was to take down old work and put up new, priced, so there is a guideline for buyers. To update the CV. And if poss anything else useful.
Going to think now. I'm not sure that folk use websites anymore accept as quick references. Will try to find another way of showing work and explaining pricing structure, flaunting extensive CV.
And muse on the total stupidity of my chosen profession... oh apropos, had a request for a copy of a painting I did in 1983! Really cant be done.
Wanted to take the day out and hang out in Carcassonne and though the virus has mutated and aint as bad as it was, its now far more frequent which alarms me. Bob has offered to drive me to a couple of stores and I've accepted, despite the miserable rain. In the meantime Tris is working in the garage so I went there to check the paintings weren't being destroyed - and they were. Accordingly have spent the morning re-arranging the stock and taking home the sold painting, which had been left with the corner of another picture dug into it.
Need another plan if I'm going to save work. Think I'II stick with the ennui and take up something that has no storage issues.
And having tomorrow off, in Carcassonne. Needful distance.
moved on a fair bit since this was taken... so nearly finished that the anxiousness is done and I can leave it to dry before hacking a final tranche though it. It is surprisingly depressing. The lack of people, the animals re-claiming. Like the riderless horses in D Jones work... Today is clear, straight to work.... but no, I have a head full of other things. Chiefly the Russian conference which I did on Zoom over the last two days (different from the Cybersoc zoom) (Quite different)
I'm still artist-in-[virtual-]residence. What to do? All that was of interest - apart from the looming extinction and inability to deal with it - were the reflections of screens in eyeglasses, leading to a recursive nightmare.
Have agreed to write a paper and enact a session for CyberSoc which also needs thought. Or rather the thoughts need editing. Mind chaotic and hardly surprising.
Not a foot set in studio yesterday... bopping about with Max in the morning ( v nice) and zooming with Russia and WOSC in the afternoon. Not got great hopes for today. Expecting electric/gas engineer for annual check and then more zooming with Russia. Treating this as a precursor for the residency which will presumably happen next year.
But today, off to the Musee Petiet with Max, shopping and lunch before another zoom conference. This is the WOSC one and therefore regardable as a part of my residency with them. Am I still committed to time based work? Who knows??? But must start the process. Whatever it is.
Managed a fair old crack yesterday and have today clear until 6.00 as of now.... but the call of the hills is strong :) Think I will take a drawing book up Mont Marot.
Conference good, provoking as always. Have accepted some sort of role as advisor, which is faintly bizarre. Today David arrives for Chez Francois and I'm doing lunch; we have a breakfast booked with Louise and Norbert; and I have Robins paperwork to finish. Fairly confident I can get some afternoon time in and the ideas are rattling. Think I know what to do with the current mess. Despite being away from the easel, its clear that a break is a Good Thing.
Melis link:
https://dartlifestyleblog.uk/blog/dart/our-third-voice-artist-vanilla-beer
Yesterdays conference, wonderful, marred by the news that Bernard has an inoperable cancer.
Going back to the conference today, hoping to think my way through this news, somehow -
and Meli has put her interview with me on line and I've forgotten the address.
