Early start but couldn't do a thing - walked until the sun rose on the sort of grey day that doesnt help painting. Thence to the cafe where OB takes breakfast before going to the MJC to draw, had a coffee with him and listened to his pleasure in Diderot (whom Ive never read). Fabienne, the model, joined us.
Pierre, Judith, Suzie, Didier, Sabine, Kat plus me and OB at the MJC. A comfortable and studious couple of hours. Fabienne is so pretty that the drawings are too - can't be helped - used watercolour and was crashingly disappointed in a block of colour I'd found in the studio that I thought was prussian and turned out to be a gritty and insipid black. Forced me back to pencil.
One image may be useful, dunno. One other I've used as the cover for the papers that have formed my 2011 work diary (Printed off from this site) Not much of it since I started late in the year. Read it and haven't the whit to see patterns or ways forward.
Broke for a long lunch with Annie and Pete then couldn't work, the stuff in the studio seems so piss-poor. Wrote a letter, read a book, played Mahler. Will pull myself together tomorrow. Though today my stomach is churning - hope its just something I ate and not something psychic, sigh.
Monday, 9 January 2012
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Sunday 8th Jan 2012
In view of the general futility and so forth, I took the morning off - barely a backward glance. Went to the market, chatted with friends, was relaxed and companionable. Met severally with three other artists - Garth, Jim and Kat - and didn't talk shop. Well, a bit with Garth.
The afternoon was spent painting, hacking away at the weird tulips with a palette knife (what a mess) fiddling with the feet of the horsefly (which I rather like) scrubbing at the violet behind the red nude, deciding that all should be left to dry and not leaving any of it to dry. Annie and Pete came to tea and afterwards I floated back to the studio, imperturbable. Made a steamed ginger and orange marmalade pudding for dinner and have eaten a load of it. Delicious. Beats painting.
Drawing tomorrow.
The afternoon was spent painting, hacking away at the weird tulips with a palette knife (what a mess) fiddling with the feet of the horsefly (which I rather like) scrubbing at the violet behind the red nude, deciding that all should be left to dry and not leaving any of it to dry. Annie and Pete came to tea and afterwards I floated back to the studio, imperturbable. Made a steamed ginger and orange marmalade pudding for dinner and have eaten a load of it. Delicious. Beats painting.
Drawing tomorrow.
Saturday, 7 January 2012
07 01 2012
----the new paintings are daft, girly, stupid, bad -
am I wasting my time? This afternoon might do better to go for a walk.
*remember Picabia and that dreadful series of adverts he did. Ah, but that was then and that was him...
Later; attacked the pictures with a view to camping up the girly stuff and lo! Black paint and a palette knife took over. Beginning to feel directed by A.N.Other; or undirected to a ridiculous extent.
Took a walk, enjoyed the air, felt more able to take charge. Bought some tulips, of an unnatural colour - puce with a hint of lilac - shoved then in a vase and tried to make attractive. Failed.
What else to do but scatter paint around and then try to make sense of it? It fits my pro-forma; to abolish my taste and follow that of the unconscious. No fun though.
am I wasting my time? This afternoon might do better to go for a walk.
*remember Picabia and that dreadful series of adverts he did. Ah, but that was then and that was him...
Later; attacked the pictures with a view to camping up the girly stuff and lo! Black paint and a palette knife took over. Beginning to feel directed by A.N.Other; or undirected to a ridiculous extent.
Took a walk, enjoyed the air, felt more able to take charge. Bought some tulips, of an unnatural colour - puce with a hint of lilac - shoved then in a vase and tried to make attractive. Failed.
What else to do but scatter paint around and then try to make sense of it? It fits my pro-forma; to abolish my taste and follow that of the unconscious. No fun though.
Friday, 6 January 2012
fri 6 jan 2012
Started a couple of canvases; no idea whats happening, just painting, both pictures absurdly pretty.
One is a nude on a red blanket, the other a winged figure with horses feet.
Later; and another, a parody of Watts 'Hope'.
Worked fluently tho badly; interrupted by Phillippe; paused for apero and worked much better afterwards:) Can't get away from the idea of the shells collected on New Years Day - beginning to think that I should just paint them and stop trying to find ways of incorporating them. Clear tomorrow.
One is a nude on a red blanket, the other a winged figure with horses feet.
Later; and another, a parody of Watts 'Hope'.
Worked fluently tho badly; interrupted by Phillippe; paused for apero and worked much better afterwards:) Can't get away from the idea of the shells collected on New Years Day - beginning to think that I should just paint them and stop trying to find ways of incorporating them. Clear tomorrow.
Thursday, 5 January 2012
05012012
Evasive action; cleaning, moving furniture, hoovering. Paperwork. Moved all my paintings into storage; don't want to see them.
Clearing the decks.
Jumpy, nervous, frightened.
Options becoming less limited and more attractive - flowers? Self-portrait?
Seeking out the nastiest least compelling drawings; I can explore that.
Discovered - by reading the invoices - that the sales from the art library are all to the same company, in Korea.
Clearing the decks.
Jumpy, nervous, frightened.
Options becoming less limited and more attractive - flowers? Self-portrait?
Seeking out the nastiest least compelling drawings; I can explore that.
Discovered - by reading the invoices - that the sales from the art library are all to the same company, in Korea.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
04 01 12
Been looking at drawings and pottering the studio. My mind is blank and my dreams absurd, or at any rate not useful. (voodoo-hexed; excluded from the community; left to be killed. Bright spots include cleaning my teeth in mixed salt and soot which made them froth a bit, reinforcing the view that I was hexed, woke wondering on the ethics of defending myself with an etching needle when I was doomed through the hex and should accept it - how quickly one accepts the prevailing view, doubting ones one reason) Not happy about the canvas ready-to-go, its badly stretched, dont want to re-do it, dont want to re-size it, will try wedges and so on... going to Limoux with Kat this morning so problem deferred.
Monday, 2 January 2012
02 01 2011
Back at work, allegedly. Drew this morning, Fabienne modelling; crit followed. Didn't take work to be criticized thinking I'd use what ever I produced since my direction is, hmm, flawed- found that the knowledge that what I made would be viewed was making it all dinky, over reacted, got louche. Didn't get to express what was going wrong for me - that, for instance, the methods for not keeping control have become controlled- that my awareness of the prospective use of the drawing was messing it up in advance. Said I was getting mired in it all which is accurate. (Got enough studies to wallpaper the house, even more probably, and can't find anything to work with.) O-B told me I over worked my paintings and shouldn't. I think I should, kill the good bits at least twice. So that didn't get us very far.
From the others work I learned that it might be good to use an easel, that the work might stand alone, that it might be publishable.
Apropos; fantastic surprise a couple of days ago when the bridgeman arts library put a large sum of money into my bank account as royalty payments - seems they've been selling prints of my food paintings. Totally thrilled - always thought they were posters and intended that they should be sold in repro. Cant see the new stuff working like that though , too over-worked LOL
Afternoon in the studio. The Daniel in smelter painting is terrible and is also inaccurate - I thought Id honestly retold the drawings but in fact I had bent them a tad to fit my idea. Shocked at myself for not knowing. Corrected the figures and then though WHY BOTHER and have turned it to the wall. Sneaking feeling I'm about to do something decorative with it, so wont.
I'm scraping the barrel with a slight notion now. I had thought that to inform myself by responding to a model or idea without having control of the method would open doors - and so it did. Now the door is wide; what next?? Wheres the next way through?
All this supposes that there is somewhere to go, some deeper 'truth' to be learned. Perhaps this is my error.
I have a few clear days. Propose to draw, just things or landscape if weather permits. Just straight drawing. Cleanse the palette.
From the others work I learned that it might be good to use an easel, that the work might stand alone, that it might be publishable.
Apropos; fantastic surprise a couple of days ago when the bridgeman arts library put a large sum of money into my bank account as royalty payments - seems they've been selling prints of my food paintings. Totally thrilled - always thought they were posters and intended that they should be sold in repro. Cant see the new stuff working like that though , too over-worked LOL
Afternoon in the studio. The Daniel in smelter painting is terrible and is also inaccurate - I thought Id honestly retold the drawings but in fact I had bent them a tad to fit my idea. Shocked at myself for not knowing. Corrected the figures and then though WHY BOTHER and have turned it to the wall. Sneaking feeling I'm about to do something decorative with it, so wont.
I'm scraping the barrel with a slight notion now. I had thought that to inform myself by responding to a model or idea without having control of the method would open doors - and so it did. Now the door is wide; what next?? Wheres the next way through?
All this supposes that there is somewhere to go, some deeper 'truth' to be learned. Perhaps this is my error.
I have a few clear days. Propose to draw, just things or landscape if weather permits. Just straight drawing. Cleanse the palette.
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