31 12 2019

Here's Gracie hard at work shifting dust from the studio, bless her - pretty much done now, just needs a certain reorganisation and scrubbing. Would have liked to be getting on with that - BUT off to St F to deal with rogue tenants of absent friends. Better relax, pointless kicking against the traces. Party tonight, holiday tomorrow, lalala.

29 12 2019

Studio cleaning continues, very very slowly. Breathing a bitch. Am I suffering for art or real estate? Binned all the rolls of old drawings I could find, going back years - more to do - I don't need anything that is finished - or is just bad. Some of them got saved because they are big bits of nice paper and I thought to work on the back. But I haven't. They can go, I won't live long enough to do them.

Pluses; my book is selling. Small regular trickles with odd lurches (= seven on xmas eve, whats that about?) Most cheering though riches do not follow.

28 12 2019

Terribly pleased with myself for having had an actual idea. Been trying to pull I have measured out my life in blister packs with the double sided notion of top-of-tree life and immediate death.
Looks quite easy now I've set it out.
Studio allegedly returned to me tomorrow. Cleaning begins in earnest Monday.

23 12 2019

Started hoovering the first studio today, gasp gasp, when the team arrived to complete the plastering on the second. So I stopped. Been struggling for breath ever since though this may be emotional rather than dust asthma - when they told me they'd finished (bar the painting) was surprisingly close to tears. A few puffs of stuff did some good though we then went to a house full of dogs which made it worse again.

20/12/2019

No studio, no work done. I'm short tempered and drinking more than usual. What really upsets me is there is no sense of pictures clamoring to get out, it feels that only happens at the end of a brush nowadays. Curious, always though it happened in my head. Bad nightmares... unspecified secret killings waiting to be discovered.

16 12 2019

Back from Bordeaux. Did no drawing. Saw a couple of nice pix in the one open museum, the beaux arts, Titians Tarquin and Lucrecia, Delacroixs Greece on the ruins of Missolongi - a handful of Redons. All decent work, nothing shattering.
Studio still out of bounds. Getting my head around setting up a temporary space somewhere but it would have to be in no 11 where an irascible Ian is currently living. Don't think either of us would enjoy such close quarters but it might come to it. Will take a look after I've dealt with the phenomenal amount of paperwork that arrives after a short break.

09 12 2019

Since the studio has been out of bounds I'm getting more and more neurotic symptoms - eczema, heartburn, chest pains, nightmares, breathlessness.
I may just be ill, of course, but I don't think so.
Oh ... looked in at the gallery today. Called in by R as I was passing, actually. Another artist there wanted to talk with me. He touched his heart and said he was totally subjugated (in french) and he bowed. I was too embarrassed to be anything other than embarrassed and now I think I'm pleased/ -and embarrassed.

06 12 2019

Today was a day off for the workmen and a day I had planned to spend in the studio. But the ceiling over the stairs fell in and the other entrance is blocked by builders stuff;  and I cant get there.
I can take a hint.

04 12 2019

Either been painting furiously or being prevented. Right now the studio ceiling is being insulated and there is no chance of doing a thing until its finished. However my study has been restored to me - that had become hors de combat as another space was insulated - so joy joy I can catch up with the paperwork.
Quite content though. Nothing pressing, angst having a holiday.

23 11 2019

Actually getting loads done. Not sure about anything but I do like to paint. Quality? Content?? Don't bog me down -

18 11 2019

 Both been a bit altered - another two in the pipeline, plus some other stuff. Cracking on :)

Bob was away for a week so I changed houses - moved to the warm one. Which meant moving bathrooms. Hes back now so I'm back in original space, where I left Emily Carr's journals.
-I'm going to have to start quoting from her, she is uncanny.
Maybe its only because I'm doing landscape things

15 11 2019

Peter can't come drawing so spent today in studio, allelujia; quite like the way things are going. Plus they'll be OK for the December expo (I must have known that when I started the series, so appropriate) Lets hope the can be finished and indeed dry in time.
Got a facebook page up for The Book. Its still selling :)

12 11 2019

Sod all happening, unless my unconscious is grinding away... today my first day at home (=Toulouse, Caca) and alone (Allenna been visiting) Now Bob away and all that beckons is housework.
Did get a usable idea about the Tree of Life. And have a plan to go drawing with Peter D on Friday.

03 11 2019

Flash of insight, at last, and resolved the landscape. Not finished - surface too wet - but know where I am. Rather like the idea (=barriers) and will follow through.
Tiresome business. Symptoms of this and that plus inertia and jumpiness, not nice...all stopped as resolution occurs, weird eh.

02 11 2019

From this to this... days of work and it looks crap. Anyway initialed and taken from studio. 

Finishing the funeral portrait of Puerto and working on some landscapes - dreadful. Fortunately non of it matters....

31 X 2019

Is there a ratio, perhaps, as ones interest in how one looks fails and becomes an interest in how the work looks? Was shocked at myself at the end of a long working day to discover that I was pleased with the look of the thing. Got up at 5.00am and have been at it, cautiously... not drinking alcohol gives me a huge amount of energy. Clear day tomorrow also yeah :) 

30 X 2019

Good clear morning - up early and did all the necessary so I could get a clear stretch. Work easy and looks it. It's about as decorative as I can get without pretending
Lots of painters I like - Aileen Agar, Elizabeth Blackadder, Mary Fedden, Liza Milroy for example, are decorative without being crap. Is it a girl thing?
Feeling that it's an age thing. I'm rounding off my life with a bunch of cozy.

29 10 2019

Back from weekend on the coast - very refreshing :) Above is the obligatory watercolour of Collioure with the emphasis on the tourists not the fishing village, not that its too evident.

spent time walking late-night sands in agreeably deserted Argeles plotting my future. Made various decisions which now seem improbable - too unsorted to report.

22 x 2019 tuesday

Want to get at this picture - where I'm clearly channeling my inner Dufy - but am forced to sit in the living room and wait for the new-meter man. Wont hurt but had such fun painting this, want more. Especially as I think I've discovered Dufy's strange black-line technique which I've never fathomed before. Can't believe if I have. And will need to wait to see if it all collapses, it really shouldn't work, hehehe.
Dufy meeting Redon? Its fun painting with empty head.

19 10 2019

Email to say the WF show wont happen;

Hi Nil., this may not come as a surprise, but the final WF project 2019 has fallen through, sadly, essentially through bureaucratic mismanagement/misunderstanding. I went there with Julie today to work out placement of work etc. and was told that the ‘we’ as in ‘we are booked’ email referred not to myself and WF, but WF and 1Hoe St.

Another artist there told us how she had been messed around, and had to move work because of a double booking.

We can’t deal with that degree of uncertainty. I am as Julie suggested going to draw a line now under this, she said this sort if thing happens all the time.

I did warn him! It has happened to me many times with councils. But I am disappointed. Would have been a good use of the sealed notebooks and easily done as they are already in London. It had felt like a bit of validation from the olden days, instead of which I know feel like a forgotten fossil. Would have felt like that anyway as the work would have been ignored as ever; especially with councils! Still at least I don't have the fag of dealing with it. LaLa.

14 10 2019

Bieke has been sweet enough to give me an hours advise and direction re; the Russian gig. Must now write up the notes and present them - want a scientist collaborator.
Apart from that a few snatched hours messing up dead flower paintings - ugh - and today, allegedly drawing in the hills but actually ending up listening to Wagner and taking shop with Phillipe - rien!

11 10 2019

Not only no work but not even thinking about it.

07 10 2019

Been at the Magrie Arts Fair all weekend. Raises the question of why?? I wasn't there to sell - work too big/ unpleasant/expensive/awkward - and fraternizing with the other artists though a pleasure is a limited one.
- one sleepless night in this time got a clear image of the Walthamstow show which would work... using the wrapped notebooks done for the deptford show ages ago and still ( l think) stored in London = minimum effort. Contract from council not yet forthcoming however. Gossip tells me that the borough of culture has been hit with many problems of this nature. Hey ho.

01 10 2019

Dibbling about with the last of the dead flowers...

went to Caca and bought three 80 x 80cm and three 60 x 60cm canvases - spent a happy evening gessoing. Will leave them as long as I can, remembering Lowry's ruse of priming and leaving in strong light (North of England??) for 6 months. This is apparently how he achieved that hazy luminosity. If one can call it that.

30 09 2019

Not a foot did I set in the studio yesterday, except to collect my drawing knapsack. Which I put on my back and took for a very long walk. No drawing at all - too hot, too uncomfortable, too uninteresting. Not true, of course - there are various bits I regret not confronting - but the world does not need more drawings.
Going to buy some new canvases tomorrow. Yeah, right.

28 09 2019

 Done, done, done. One nearly also done. Anthropomorphism continues to rule.

27 09 2019

Good days pottering yesterday - knocking the studio back into shape to get ready to trash previous work. I'm not going to give myself grief.

26 09 2019

Home again, home again... great meet with the Walthamstow chap, Malcolm, with whom I am very happy to work. He took me over my old college which has been trashed beyond belief - 'remodelled' - to the point of unrecognisability. It's now a 6th form college. The art school was closed as its teaching methods were 'ad hoc'. Indeed, it was. Felt a surprising affection for the place as memories tumbled in.
The Kings conference, CyberSoc, was stimulating...in a laid back way. Raul was there and we were able to talk about my presence as artist in residence in Russia next year. Need to consider an on-line art-gesture of some sort for it, I think. I'm certainly not about to repeat what I did in Rome.

Saw very little art - a dash though the National to use the toilets :)

The stuff awaiting me on the easel is abysmal but some of the ink drawings are OK.

19 09 2019

Emily Carr book driving me mad. She says stuff and I dunno. Its like reading my own diaries except she has 4 dogs, a monkey and a rat instead of 4 parrots, a tortoise and 2 hens. Her morose husband is called Henry.
Determined not to take it to England with me - I go this afternoon - its such a wind up ( Oh caravans!! Bloody hell)
So, CyberSoc, the Serpentine, Waltham Forest and a visit to a brother beckon.

18 09 2019

Been ink drawing - first up the hill, which I found I could climb quite easily. Once the road rises above a particular level it seems to be easier, whether the body is used to it or the air is better I can't tell. Difficult though as there isn't a good work space - I was balancing me and the work on the bench there, didn't really work.
 In the afternoon - had to wait in till 3.00 when the gas service man eventually turned up (at least this time he DID turn up) and by then having missed siesta - only went to the river bank, by where there are picnic tables. The parking by the river packed with caravans.
Quite happy in my corner, watching and drawing caravans through trees, when one arrived and pulled up  by me. It was a signal of some sort - they started flocking in. The overflow space where I was started to fill up - at first it was rather jolly, I was thinking it might all be fun to meet new people every night, very carnival atmosphere - then they started to approach me. At first for a match for a cigarette and then... and very soon the air was full of smoke and dust from the caravan wheels and the gypsy in me turned into a fascist and I left.
Results predictably poor.

17 09 2019

Drawing yesterday; restricting myself to ink which is easier than struggling with colour and requires less concentration. Woke this morning and saw immediately what was wrong with the painting on the easel, how can I be so blind?

Despite the sunburn and the little flying beasties, planning on more of the same today.

The trick is to find somewhere private and I've done that - now to decide if that's it or to find somewhere else. (This was the lay-by over the damn, it's never used as it's quite hidden from the road. Has tables and chairs. Downside is the noise from the road. Upside is small scented flower and great views.)

14 09 2019

Finished one of the dead flowers and the second (large) is en route. Two little ones will do for firelighters.
Oh but who knew the Waltham Forest Borough in London is Borough of Culture? Certainly not me. One of the art schools I attended is in their purlieu and I'm to meet them next week.

13 09 2019

I dunno... but the text inclusion helps.

12 09 2019

Ploughing on. Didnt (yet) bin dying sunflowers. They begin to look respectable. Bah.

111 09 2019

Decent day yesterday, the first for ??? feels like years. Painting still no good but the process is in me now. Though for how long, I dunno... managed to frame this sketch of Stan that I stumbled across looking for something else.

Remember doing it. Thought he looked too troglodyte and did another version, bigger with a larger lower body.   May have binned that one. haven't found it though found some others. What was I doing, drawing Stan all the time?

In retrospect think this version is OK. It has a deal of him about it. The charcoal sits prettily on the canvas paper (bought cheap, used whenever possible) Wish I'd included a cello or at the least the stick thing you play a cello with. 

Of course, this was all done at the time I painted the naked cellist, its coming back to me - they were a part of the studies for that picture. Which puts this around ten years ago, when Debs was alive and causing trouble - and dear Stan wasn't dead. Hey ho; he led an eventful life.

10 09 2019

Evasion continues though feeling more energized today. Found a missing painting, the one that is in the catalogue for the Magrie show this year. Had lost it. Eventually went through stock in garage, stock that has found its way to archive room, stock lying around studio. Then started again and it was in the store in garage, stacked with others the same size. Since I couldn't remember what size it was... anyway, that's a day lost.
The Magrie paintings now together.
(= Terre Mere, the newly discovered one; the 4 riders of the apocalypse; four emerging flower paintings; 2 dead flowers) Want to dig out a load of drawings as well, either for a browser or to clip to walls.
All this led to many reflections on painting, purpose of, and my life, ditto.
However I ate a hearty meal and slept well so back to action today:)
Here's a photo of a doorway in the studio.

08 09 2019

mostly evasion.
Some things come home to roost; found Stans portrait though not the one I wanted, it'll do. Found some of the tricks Id been searching for for the new garden gate, now have to install though the weathers a bit iffy.
Putting off deciding whether to scrape off and junk the last four pix, or not.

06 09 2019

...copied Banksy notes, searched for the drawings for the portrait of Stan (RIP); stared into space a lot.
More paint applied.
Bob away so have a clear stretch which so far I've filled with housework and animal management.
Not had alcohol or coffee for almost 2 weeks now and feel very physically altered in ways both big and small. Miss coffee dreadfully.

05 09 2019

Grafting away - not getting anywhere but covering the canvas which is the only way to get somewhere, I suppose.

03 09 2019

sold these three yesterday - mostly painted 12 years ago - going through stock, cleaning and varnishing took the morning.  Will be paid when I deliver them.

Today would be going well, I'm a little clearer about what I'm doing (perusing the unacceptable, the silly, the whimsical etc) but interruptions (friend returned a loan, hurrah, took possession, went to bank) and now I'm writing this. Au boulot!

02 09 2019

 Dead flower stuff crossing over with the flower fairies of youth... not sure what direction these are going in but alarming that dead flowers continue to die, they aren't static, things change even when I don't expect them to.

Been reading the journals of Emily Carr whose work I've never much liked, too mannered for me - got dragged to her show in Dulwich and liked her even less though one or two were almost to my taste - was given the journals by a fan. The bloody woman sounds just like me! She moans and compares and contrasts and despairs AND she has nose-bleeds AND she reads Ouspenski...  hundred years ago and nothing changes. Doubt that I'II be able to finish the book as I keep throwing it across the room.

31 08 2019

Got in what would have been a full days work - had I not stopped for lunch, a siesta and an afternoon party.
Felt like a full day.  Back in the groove,  no doubt.

30 08 2019

Looks like he was struck by a raptor, judging by the gash on the back of the neck - alas -
I'm not doing much. The dead flowers I'm working on have turned into wassisnames work - Richter, I think - correcting proofs for 2cnd edition and pottering.

27 08 2019

Made it to the studio, twice; yesterday just shuffled stuff around and was glum, today started to paint.  Flowers, what else. Dying ones, natch. Lots of internal and external interuptions... still glum actually and dont want to think about any of it.

23 08 2019

Managed to get out the last two days to draw, with hysterical results. Im after a particular quality involving crayons and the dreams of youth.
Yesterday was interupted by a family who said, mais c'est jolie, bravo! which means a certain naff quality has been achieved. Ugh.
Family leave today, Im off to Carcassonne to have lunch with my dead father and draw another line in time. Studio  monday.

15 08 2019

I'm back but not in the studio. Massive paperwork demands and serve me right. Conference was a dream and I'm committed to more - have promised all sorts of copies of stuff that has to be scanned and distributed.
Family are here, mostly looking after themselves, bless 'em.

Here's a lovely Chagall etching that was in the house I stayed in in Devon, impeccable - and below a snap of the conference with my drawing of Spencer-Brown on screen. JUST visible. 

21 07 2019 sunday

Put in some time with the stored works yesterday and realise there will have to be a pruning. I can't hang on to ancient work that lacks merit. I'II see how the retrospective panns out and then have a mega go at it all.
Cleaned studio, brushes, floor, palette, ready for the off - UK for 3 weeks. I want to be able to come back to painting. Or at least have that possibility.

18 07 2019

In the face of hot studio and many distractions, have spent three days wandering about drawing in the countryside. Caught this woman walking through a field of scabious and clover, covered in butterflies so the whole horizon was blurred. Getting sentimental in the heat. But lots of studies of living growing flowers should I ever paint again.

11 07 2019 Thurs

Spent most of yesterday in studio, cleaning and pottering - lovely, except that I've started work at both ends and still haven't met in the middle. Its not exactly the number of unfinished projects, its more the bits of thing I've left out to glue, the brushes to be cleaned, the papier mache that just need another coat etc etc. Looking forward to going back but the sun is shinning, the market calling, the femme de menage needs lunch, l have to see the bank - domestix, in short.
In the meantime I've sold many books and earnt about 4p (=I get 80 cents per book) and have been asked to give a seminar on it in Amsterdam. What can one say about a cartoon book?? And the Spencer-Brown paper hasn't been rewritten.

06 07 2019

 Yesterday morning before the days' heat put out one of my papier-mache evaporators... here it is, sitting in a little pool of water. Happy enough. I had thought it would take days to work but this morning lifted it to remove snail...

Voila...

and it sloshed! Water inside.

 I sucked some out - tasted of varnish. Need a stop of some sort to undo to empty. But it works and I'm quietly jubilant.

Need to find a vacuum former to make the plastic version. Or preferably someone to do all that.

29 06 2019

Thrown off course by the death of Andree... the painting I was working on when they rang with the news is rendered untouchable for the moment.
We are also in the firm grip of a heat wave and the studio is like an oven. I could make it work but its the time to write the Spencer-Brown paper - now nearly finished - downstairs in the cool. Plus some other academic whatnots. The Russian residency, for example... got complicated.
M'book is pretty much ready. Looks good. Did some editing and found 2 pages in the wrong place but otherwise - oh and a word I would like to change but lets not obsess here - otherwise just waiting to hear that its been uploaded. Then I can start trying to flog it.

22 06 2019

Dead roses from my prize winners bouquet - does that show? Hope so... also repainted hens at point of lay which is now in need of major surgery and have spent the last 2 afternoons stuffing the painting racks. Really don't need any more paintings. Hey ho.

Have changed my signature, these are just initialled into the paint. Think after stuffing the painting racks - and still unfinished BTW - I'm sick of the sight of my own name.

20 06 2019

Enough of Bobs family are staying to free me up totally -!- had a go at the chickens yesterday ('at point of lay')  snapped the amazing cobwebs in the studio and visited the garage to see the new storage racks, brilliant. Have to get there and stack it now - will hold off writing the paper for another week. Spent yesterday on it, the paper, and effectively wasted the time. Think it may be upcoming-book-anxiety that is inhibiting me.

Started work on some dead roses, left over from my prize winners bouquet. I'd put then in a sealed jar and they are very dead indeed. Nice motif.

16 06 2019 Sun

Sponsors letter edited, my acknowledgements edited, few tweaks to go off and then its head under the pillow time.
Have the tristesse of a long enacted now finished project.

14 06 2019 Friday

Purposefully avoided the studio for a long time. Some ideas, little things, arriving...
in the meantime the designer has designed and the proofs of the book are in the post. Fluctuate between quiet pride and simple terror. Guessing that as usual with my projects, nothing will happen. Here's hoping.

07 06 2019 Friday

Started some new pix which is ridiculous given how many I have... finishing a could of the little water sculptures.  Ready to test, near as.

31 st may 2019

Opened for the OFF at the AaS yesterday, both dreadful and fun - its embarrassing in general, being in Richards gallery as well as showing current work. A lot of the retro stuff should be burnt, frankly. However, have sold two.
Hoping for some quiet time to think of what happens next. A slim volume of moving poetry?

Depressed as Gracie can't do book though is asking for someone who can. Cheered that the foundation award is in the bank - though this means I have to go on with it all. Worried I haven't written the spencer brown paper.

Today, nothing can be done but gallery sitting. Planning a comfy chair and a good book and a thermos of coffee. Bliss.

27 05 2019

Going to Carcassonne to day to meet Poo at the airport. We are showing together. Hoping the threatening rain will leave me alone as I'm getting there on public transport; Sav meeting us there so a lift back, hurrah.
Been doing no work but the papier mache things, which I love. They are like skulls. Soon be able to test one, though will need sunlight.

24 05 2919

...cleaning, sorting, getting splinters. Hung the show in the garage, as near as dammit, not yet sorted work for Richard but know where its going. Tired. Pouring rain today, most cleansing.

20 05 2019 Monday

Last one - 4 enough, its all I need.
Busy now on other stuff - expo for the OFF, Poo arriving to exhibit with me, paper for the LoF and the rest. Would prefer to curl up with an indifferent book.

17 05 2019 friday

Getting little bits done between times though yesterday was largely in the garage moving paintings. About to go back and move more. There are paintings there from the early 1980's and on (Before that date and on changing house, I gave everything away -) enfin, there are many pix there. I cant count but in terms of bulk there are lots.
Finishing moving today - thats the plan - so Ian can treat the floorboards, then hey ho to replace them. Richard making his selection for the retrospective, which he is curating according to his own ideas - interesting.
Pissing with rain, studio roof leaking, place smells funny.

13 05 2019

despite visitors its all trolling along well - another finished, though it must be admitted they are not taxing.
So; Grace is taking book and making it oven ready. I have handed it over and apart from the acknowledgements its done. Sense of freedom, sense of loss.
Fell down the studio stairs this afternoon, well scary. Bruised and shaken but nothing broken.
Coast tomorrow! Weather fab.

11 05 2019

Back from the Alps - these are the Alps, fool, sit down and wait for them to crumble - where we were taken to the church of notre-dame-de-toute-grace on the plateau d'assy. Blinding. But mostly and above all for the Bonnard, Donated in memory of his nephew Dr Jean Terrasse who was a founder of the sanitorium there - its of St Francis de Sales, (Bishop of Annecy and visitor of the sick.)

This is not a poor reproduction -well, yes it is, but also its hung in a dark corner and is fuzzy and full of vagueness. Knocked me out.

Also went to the Foundation Pierre Gianadda Martigny  over the border in Switzerland for their collection of Impressionists. Weak.Though entertained by this Renoir, never seen before... what was he up to??

Did some watercolours of Mont Blanc in front of which we were staying - most calming, watercolours crap of course but enjoyed doing them. 

Yesterday finished another spring picture -

and managed to nearly move all the paintings in the store to another floor, for evaluation and cleaning. Richard is mounting a retrospective for me... he needed to see what was there. He opens his gallery with it, jolly nice of him.

AND the cybernetics foundation are going to give me 3 thou swiss francs to get the book designed for publication. Very joyful. Assume they don't know what they are doing anymore than I do, but allelujia!

02 04 2019 thurs

done more to this, more of the same; deemed finished. Working on another. Want Spring pictures now, after the 6th xtinction pix. Want things to put on my wall in winter to give me hope. Hmm, somewhat sad so far but the principle is sound.
Papier-mache stuff getting to completion - rather exciting, though a week or two away as things must dry.
Got visitors making a radio programme about my Da tomorrow for 3 days and then we are off to Mont Blanc for a couple of days. Hope to do some drawing there -

30 04 2019

- been painting. Small, easy stuff; exhausting. Started off by linseed-and-turpsing my wardrobe, which needed something and that seemed a Good Thing. So loved the action (no.11 hog brush) and the smell that it struck me the what wasn't too important, it was the physicality that worked for me.
Dreaming those dreams, the magic pure incredible blue, the adjacent green. Unreachable.
Curiously, co-incidentally, been ill. Cramps, vomits, all that stuff. Will live.

27 05 2019 sat

still farting around with book stuff, sending huge files hither and yon - takes so much time - and just now gave lunch to JR who came up with solid ideas and will do some re-sizing for me. Bless him. Been able to do regular papier mach-ing though. A plus. That might all work. If so, that'll need marketing too. Buggerit.
Got 2 Germans arriving for interviews about Stafford and then off to the Alps. After that, who knows? Painting?? Ha.

25 04 2019

Actually passed some time in the studio yesterday. The book has been the trouble - scanned, looks like funding will happen, possibly also publishers though Im OK with Amazons self publishing, printing on demand. Full control, if I can get my head round the technology.
Also making some papier-mache stuff.
And have primed eight canvases.

11 04 2019 thursday

Been working on book, trying to organise the scanning, the design of show pages etc etc. Joining dots. Lala. Also painted bookcases in bedroom and done a deal of cleaning up. It's spring. Creative laziness has enrobed me and I don't care one jot. Oh have been drawing the towns sheep though, will carry on with those - lovely job. Small projects, sightable outcomes, all I'm after for the foreseeable.

2 april 2019 Tuesday

Truly finished T and C pic. Not photographing as its sooo bad. It's on a radiator to dry it so by the time it goes in - last day, Friday - it'll be warped as well.
Couple of little touches on Noahs ark. Much better. Still pointless. Signed, dated, will remove.
Rest of the day either cleaning or dozing. Palate a work of art. Had to use paint stripper which may account for doziness.

1 april 2019 Monday

through dentist safely and am getting a crown Macron, the first of Macrons reforms to hit the streets. Free crown, in short.
Finished -nearly - the toc et c pic. Will complete this afo or it goes in unfinished, really, can't be arsed.
Bloody great having a pain-free mouth

30 03 2019

... still waiting technical stuff from Allenna but have signed off in my heart. Diligent inquiry reveals that word/ paintbox and other simple stuff I already have will do what I need. Hurrah. When the scanning is done, will do it myself - I know whats needful, after all.
Today is clean studio, finish dreadful toches et clochers pic., cook dinner for mates. Apart from hole in face from  missing crown, terrifically happy. Getting finished on a loooooong project is brill. And dentist on Monday.

29 03 2019

awaiting some technical info from Allenna and then my bit done. However; talking with designer realised he hasn't got a v clear idea of what is needed and furthermore expects over 3 grand to do it, badly. On the one hand that's what the funding is for. On the other, if I had a suitable design programme I could do it. Anally retentive?  Am asking around about simple and cheap design packages.

27 03 2019

nearly... had a good incisive day and hope for more of that today. Activated designer, Kate to scan work. Thence to funders. Well, after I've finished it. Promised for next week to begin scans. Bob back tonight.

26 03 2019 Tuesday

Had a clear run at the band dessine yesterday and am getting nearer the end... have a clear day today. Not sure if it should be oven-ready before I sign it off - there are various tweaks needed - oh yeah, like correcting some of the technical info the various cyberneticians have labelled wrong. They do not always agree. If it gets as far as the designer there will be changes needed for sure so that's why I hesitate to pronounce it done. That and the fact it ain't.
Have sneaked to the easel in between times and wrestled the T et C painting to the ground. Might work after all though undeniably kitch. Appropriate perhaps.

23 03 2019 Sat

Dreadful watercoluring at Arques - why do I persist tin thinking I should be able to do everything? Suppose there is something to be learnt if I'm that bad at it.
Expecting a visit from Philippe this morning and Jim is coming to set up a new computer this afternoon.

22 03 2019

been absent, too much fun - guilty enough to be writing mournful poetry, a bad sign. And dreams, alas. Away today doing landscapes at Arques which will be refreshing.I trust. Sat spoken for, Sunday ditto - which leaves Monday and Tuesday before Bob returns. Fighting panic.

20 03 2019 Weds

Plodding on... wearisome. It shows. Want to return to the easel :)

18 03 2019

-anticipated returning to work this morning after a weekend of putting my house in order. Instead have to go to Quillan - x-ray for Ian, shopping for parrots (on behalf of rather than getting new ones) as Bob off to UK for a week. THEN will get some work done. If I haven't lost the will to live by then. Sigh.

15 03 2019 Friday

Just back from England and burying Dave. Dreadfully saddened by it all though it was clear he had had a successful and rewarding and etc etc life. Just missing him.
Didn't have the heart to meet with friends or do much beyond gloomy wanderings. Saw the Dorothea Tanning Show at the Tate Mod. Preferred the show Marcus helped arrange in France for her 100th birthday (...at Seillians on 10th July 2010.)
Oh and went to the first night of the ENO's new production of the Magic Flute. Granted you can't go wrong with jolly Mozart but it was brilliant, the design magic. ahem. Also they laboured the masonic ethos, which gave me a deal of joy.

07 03 2019

Despite being desperately unfocused, managed a few pages... no ink in Caca (!!) have ordered it on line but it makes life harder for the work. Bob will bring some back from Blighty tomorrow. So I can also print my boarding card as leave for Daves funeral on Sunday.
Made notes for the Spencer Brown talk, have a better idea of whats going on which is as well, its due in on the 11th.
Read the Cybernetic Brain - what a book! Andy Pickering astonishingly good. Really helpful though sad for me to read the lives of people I knew so well and miss - apart from Stafford, Gordon Pask is still a hole in my life. Must remember to take his portrait along with S-B's to Liverpool. And some of Stafford, I guess.

05 03 2019

Hastily putting together my application for this years' Magrie show - how time flies - this blog has been invaluable as the stuff I want to put in hasn't been photographed. But here it all is - somewhere - and easy enough to print poor quality illustrations. They need better stuff later, for the initial application this is ok.
Off to carcassonne now - need ink, paper, see the CPAM people about my disappeared carte vitale.

04 03 2019

I do pages and am overwhelmed by inadequacy . Last night reckoned up the hours spent and decided, no point in not finishing. Now just cracking on, editing the early pages. Many cyberneticians have left remarks on post-it notes with greater or lesser degrees of legibility and sense. 
It's raining and the light is grey and perfect for the job. I'm wasting time writing this; avoidance tactics.

28 02 2019

Poor Bob in Blighty for 9 days - did several pages yesterday, helped through the thicket by the pause - afterwards it seemed easy. Lesson learnt. Today is Pats funeral...

22 02 2019

Making some headway - helped and not-helped by Bob being ill. He needs attention but its sporadic and the rest of the time is mine own. Did several pages yesterday - some fillers, some need clarification. I'm scenting the end, and would like this done.

20 02 2019

Done - too dense to do any more to it and don't want to.

Restarted work on book and have a rising sense of panic, the cyberneticians comments which I hadn't looked at before now mean quite a lot of changes on what's been done and I was hoping to just press on. So am pressing on. Will manage the rest when I'm more in control.

19 02 2019

Drawing yesterday, (Tore, Aileens brother)  as a way to resume normal life. Couldn't stop thinking of the young Indian artist I met who drew with a tiny squirel hait brush and whose aim was to load it with as much paint as possible so that a line could be continuous.... he, poor chap, had to sell everything he made or starve. (He gave me one and I took it - thought it was a matter of pride as we were talking shop but now I'm ashamed)  

Resolved to give up drawing until I've sold them all. There are 8 trillion in the studio alone, let alone those in storage. Am using a trick of Rodins, cutting them out and mounting them. Works for some, not all. And they should be framed and lifes too short...

It is time to stop though. The winter project is about to be resumed - the cartoon book - and the sojourn in India has made it late. This is REALLY the final winter.

This morning finished the noahs ark pic and messed with the painting for the Toc et Clochers. Cleaned up, a bit.
Most of the morning spent finding, scaning and sending photos of Dave for use at his funeral.
I took him so much for granted.