Mon Feb 27th 2012

Early start to gesso the little canvases. Let the paint try sinking through that lot - primer, gesso, rabbits skin glue and more gesso. Ha!

Funny moment when I was melting the glue yesterday. My double boiler is full of wax and I didnt want to have to melt, empty and clean it, so I arranged a large tin of water containing a small tin holding the soaked rabbits skin. Put it on the hot plate and wandered off. Terrific noise called me back; the arrangement had set up some sort of resonnance that was drumming very loudly and agitating the tin of RS, making me think it was about to explode. In a perfect panic I ran out of the room screaming STOP IT! And it did, immediately. Gave me enough courage to dismantle the arrangement and replace with water in saucepan and metal colander, holding the tin of RS.

Mornings drawing very disjointed owing to a stranger being in the room we use at the MJC. Long and boring story the gist of which is that the room was being used by a medical examiner and for some reason our group had not been told. The local gendarme came and gave us the keys for the downstairs salle and all was rearranged there but it was unsettling. Plus, plus, I had had dreams; more L and BS gist of which being that I can't create except by accident and I have to destroy what I make.

With a head full of this I was careful, trying to 'own' what I was making whilst still having room for accidents - and I stopped immediately I though 'hmm that'll do.' Rather than overworking, aka destroying. Really though I cant see a way through this. Of course I can only create by accident. Of course I must destroy. Whats wrong with that? It upset me very much.

The conclusion of the dreamings had me trying to reach my dear father, he couldn't give me directions on the phone to get to him but I was on the way and kept being stopped; eventually by a fox, a raven and a squirrel. They were patronizing me! The fox was anyway, kept grinning and patting me as one does an animal. The raven and the squirrel just watched but I had the sense that they were sniggering. The superior fox woke me with his patting and laughter.